@Tomas: I think there is a way of being mysterious which does not correlate with being shy, just with having solid boundaries. And I respect that a lot. I also think that most people who are very mysterious and basically do not open up are actually shy.

@Gordie: Hell yeah! If there is one trait which I think can sabotage you big time, it’s being very shy. This is not one of those things you just embrace and ignore. If you’re shy, work on it!

@Ken: I know the feeling. A lot of things can be mistaken for being shy. Like, actually listening to people.

Very interesting idea. Haven’t thought about it like that. I was very shy when growing up. I was afraid of social interactions.

Right now, I could just call myself calm. I am not shy, but it seems that others perceive me as such because I do not go out of my way to talk to others or express an opinion when communicating.

That does not make me mysterious however. I don’t think.

Shyness and mystery are correlated, but being shy does not imply being mysterious. I have been called mysterious, but just because I would not put myself completely out there. Why? Because I did not think that people should know everything about me.

In relationships especially, I think it is important to keep something to yourself, so the other person does not see right through you, it kind of kills the fun. But I do understand what you mean when you say that people get bored of mystery.

However, I think there is a condition to that. People get bored of mystery if the other person does not reveal anything about themselves at all. Then it’s just weird. However, if the mysterious persons reveals himself/herself bit by bit, then it becomes a game of sort, that’s how you create attraction.

Just my two cents.

Best,
Tomas

Great post! And it brought back memories.

Like Gordie, I was shy when I was growing up. I don’t think anyone saw me as mysterious. If they did, it never got back to me.

And also like Gordie, I think that shyness was one of my greatest afflictions growing up. It really does cause huge problems for people.

Instead of mysterious (which at least has a short-term upside), I think that people (kids back then) simply didn’t see me. I was great at being invisible. Which works great when you are shy and don’t want to be seen.

I remember cute girls having open conversations around me and I am pretty sure that they didn’t even notice I was there, though they certainly couldn’t have missed me if they just looked! They would talk around and through me. I actually thought it was kind of a cool experiment to watch them do this. I felt like the invisible man. Nothing like making the most of a bad situation.

I think that shy people might hope to be seen as mysterious. And I agree with your views on that, Eduard. But the real problem is the shyness itself.

Too many parents (particularly moms in my experience) think that shyness is cute. So they unintentionally encourage it in their kids. And those kids grow up failing to seize the opportunities in front of them because they can’t even come out of their shell and show up in life.

Oh well, like I said, this one brought back memories. Rather tender ones, apparently.

Thanks for putting this out there!

All the best,

Hugh
.-= Hugh DeBurgh – The Passionate Warrior´s last blog ..The 4th Secret to Living the Good Life =-.