If You Are Shy This Is Definitely For You

Many people try to make shyness seem like a cute and innocent trait to have.

Nevertheless, if you are shy and you know firsthand how shyness can disrupt your social life, you probably find it hard to view it that way. And if you have more than shyness, if you have social anxiety, the upheaval it breeds is even worse.

Well, today I’m going to let you know about an excellent ebook for people with shyness or social anxiety that I’ve reviewed and I sincerely recommend.

The Shyness and Social Anxiety System

The ebook is called The Shyness and Social Anxiety System. Its author, Sean Cooper, presents in it effective and little-known psychological techniques to destroy shyness and social anxiety.

You can get the full details about the ebook here.

I had an interesting conversation earlier this week with Sean about the way this book was born. Sean fought with shyness and social anxiety for many years. After loads of research and personal experimentation, he eventually discovered how to overcome shyness and implemented this psychological know-how successfully.

As a former shy, “invisible” guy myself, I find something fascinating in what Sean teaches in this ebook because you can tell he’s been through it, he knows personally what it’s like to have shyness and social anxiety, and he grasped how to beat it.

I think this is something few people who give advice on this topic can say. Many of them don’t really understand what it’s like to be shy; they just know part of the theory. As a consequence, a lot of the advice on how to overcome shyness is insipid and trite: “Just be yourself”, “Just do it”, etc. Yeah right!

I talk in more depth about this and issue and about the real science of social confidence in this free presentation.

My Review of the Ebook

I was pleasantly surprised by The Shyness and Social Anxiety System. It presents a both cognitive and behavioral approach to boosting social confidence, with a bit more focus on the behavioral part.

The ebook is extremely simple to read, to understand and most importantly, to apply. It contains ideas and techniques for beating shyness that you can take immediately and start applying, and you’ll see results.

On top of that, I find these ideas to be highly consistent with the scientific psychological research in this area, which is something I’m big on.

The Shyness and Social Anxiety System got me realizing things I wasn’t aware of about overcoming shyness. This is probably the finest proof I can give of the quality of this ebook, considering that I coach shy people almost on a daily basis and I believe I know a thing or two about overcoming shyness.

To conclude this review, if you struggle with shyness or social anxiety, coaching is out of your financial range and you’re looking for a quality information product to help you make real progress, this ebook is it.

Check out The Shyness and Social Anxiety System here.

Also, check out my Conversation Confidence guide here.

Shyness is a serious psychological issue to deal with and it can be dealt with successfully. But you need to use the best tools available.

Image courtesy of Ed Yourdon

How to Overcome Shyness

Almost fifty percent of people describe themselves as shy. If it didn’t have such dire consequences on ones life, shyness would almost be a fashionable thing. However, it does have bad effects and this is why knowing how to overcome shyness is important.

Finding the Needle in the Haystack

Do a search on the web for ‘how to overcome shyness’ and you’ll discover thousands of articles and ten times more tips on this topic. Try to put them into practice and sadly, you’ll also discover that much of the advice on how to overcome shyness is vague, impractical or just plain wrong.

Doing social confidence coaching with people with shyness, I’ve realized that there’re only a handful of ideas and techniques which provide consistent and powerful results in overcoming shyness. I want to share the most effective ones with you.

Overcoming Shyness Starts with Stretching

No, not physical stretching, but emotional. Here’s the thing: it is common for us human beings to stick to doing what is easy and comfortable for us. Thus, many shy people, because they don’t feel comfortable around other people, will tend to isolate themselves.

They will spend many hours alone, watching TV, playing computer games and secretly fantasizing about a better social life. This only works against them because it reinforces their shyness and makes the people skills they may have atrophy.

Learning how to overcome shyness starts with doing the opposite: gradually getting more out of the house, exposing yourself more to social situations and interacting more with people. Since this may feel uncomfortable at first, it’s a form of emotional stretching.

Stretching yourself and interacting more with people works great because it gets you used to social situations and the social anxiety starts to drop. Also, your people skills steadily improve and that’s how to gain confidence.

Get Some Accurate Feedback

Working with shy people or people with an inferiority complex, I often notice that they have a hugely distorted image of themselves and how they come across to others. They usually think they are weird and that other people realize this in the very first seconds of talking with them.

If you are somewhat shy, getting some accurate feedback about your social persona from other people will be highly valuable for you in overcoming shyness. It will help you get your feet on the ground by realizing you’re an OK person.

What you basically do is ask a number of people who know you and trust about the way they see you. You can ask them a few questions about the qualities and the flaws they see in you, about the first impression you create and so on.

You can ask them all of this in a relaxed conversation, or you can request them to give you feedback using an anonymous feedback form. Feel free to test various methods.

Cut Down Mind-Reading

Mind-reading is the process of trying to figure out what a person thinks or how they feel by reading subtle cues in their behavior, words, voice tone or body language.

However, since these signals are hard to interpret accurately and shy people often exaggerate in their interpretations, this process is a lot like trying to read other peoples’ minds and it provides grossly inaccurate results.

If you want to overcome shyness, you’ve got to realize that you can’t read other peoples’ minds and that whatever interpretations you’re making of each small gesture are probably wrong. As you do so, you can move on to consciously reducing your mind-reading and thus overcoming your shyness.

Learn To Let Go Of Perfectionism

The final part of the answer to the question “How to overcome shyness?” has to do with changing your self-imposed standards.

Make sure to check out my free conversation confidence guide for more details on solving this issues, as well as as how to transform into an authentic and  confident person in social settings. Get it here.

Shy people tend to be insanely perfectionist. They ask of themselves to come across as ideal and they have a low tolerance for people not liking them or not approving of them. If you want to enjoy social interactions more, abandoning such absurd standards is a must.

Now, notice that I didn’t say “let go of perfectionism”, I said “learn to let go”. This is because it’s a process. It will call for identifying your perfectionist social expectations as they manifest in your habitual thinking, then addressing them by changing your thinking in a conscious manner.

By the way, I have a free social confidence guide for you that will teach you how to do this and overcome shyness.

A Systemic Approach

Overall, overcoming shyness effectively takes not only the right pieces of advice and techniques, but also applying them in a systemic style. This implies:

  • Setting gradual personal development goals for yourself;
  • Working on them daily and rewarding yourself;
  • Persisting and getting back on track if you quit;
  • Mixing the internal cognitive change with the external behavioral change.

As you do so, you will see gradual progress and the occasional leaps forward. You will rewrite your map of the world and your social habits. As a result, you will experience more social freedom and a richer social life. That’s how to overcome shyness the successful way.

Image courtesy of fanfan2145