The Secrets to Conversation Confidence

It’s here!

Today is the public release of my free video guide, The Secrets to Conversation Confidence. Check it out here.

The FREE Video Guide

I’ve put in this 30 min. slide video some of the most powerful lessons that I have to share on how to become a confident conversationalist and live life to the fullest.

And this is not self-help babble. It’s very practical advice that I’ve seen work consistently in my 5 years of experience a social confidence coach, plus it’s well documented by the scientific research. In other words, you can count on it to really help you.

In this free video presentation you will learn:

  • The 3 fatal mistakes you’re making that sabotage your conversation confidence.
  • The no. 1 secret to gaining enduring conversation confidence.
  • The truth about positive affirmations and other such gimmicks for boosting confidence.
  • And the proven formula for becoming a confident conversationalist.

The Extended Audio Guide

This also marks the launch of my audio guide, Conversation Confidence. It’s a no-nonsense guide to making authentic, confident and effortless conversation, and consists of 4.5 hours of high-quality audio content, jam packed with actionable information.

You can find out more about it on the same page with the free video. Just scroll down.

Usually, when a person seeks my coaching services, they’ve already read a lot of stuff and tried a lot of tricks or techniques to improve their confidence in interactions with other people, either people in general or particular types.

And they’ve seen minimal progress, if any.

After just a few sessions with me, the typically testify that they’ve seen for the first time in their life incredible enhancements in their confidence and they’re getting visibly closer to the social life or their dreams.

Well, the Conversation Confidence audio program describes the entire method I use as a coach to help my clients develop their confidence in conversations. I’ve spend the entire summer developing it, and the method in presents has been no less than 5 years in the making.

The Top Advice for Confidence Enhancement

Moreover, the free video guide reveals some of my best ideas on becoming a confident conversationalist. I’ve made an early launch of the video to part of my new list, and I’m already getting emails of praise in my Inbox.

So, go here and watch this video. Watch it completely, and I promise you that you’ll learn powerful ideas from it.

This being said, this is the last email you’ll receive from me via Feedburner. If you want to keep hearing for me, join my new list here, if you haven’t already done so (yes, it’s the same page).

From now on, a lot of the stuff I write will no longer appear on this blog. It will only be available via email to the people who are subscribed to my list.

Stay cool!

Image courtesy of ahmosher

The Magic of Making Up

Romantic relationships: the epitome of complicated.

Once in a while, I like to surf on various personal development forums and read some of the recent threads. I can’t tell you how many threads on these forums are started by people who just broke up or they’re on the verge of breaking up with their partner.

They’re scared, frustrated and desperate for some guidance. It’s puzzling how most of us are so evolved in terms of the technology we use daily, yet so primitive in our understanding of intimate interpersonal relationships.

Over the past few days, I’ve been reviewing The Magic of Making Up, by T.W. Jackson (aka T Dub). This ebook is the leading guide for people who want to get back with their ex and save their relationship. It really got me thinking about this topic.

Feel free to find out more about this ebook here.

Is Getting Back Together The Best Move?

I know that many people, under the emotional turmoil of a break up (read: being dumped), have the automatic impulse of trying to make up with their partner.

It’s a natural reaction. Your mind is trying to get rid of the pain, by getting rid of its perceptible source: the break up.  However, before acting upon this impulse, it’s best to ask yourself: is this the best course of action for me in the long-run?

Sometimes it’s better to accept a relationship ended and move on, as hurtful as it may be at first. T.W. Jackson makes a good point about this in The Magic of Making Up:

The truth is, if you get back with your ex and it truly brings you the long-lasting happy ending you want, then the book has served its best purpose.

But if getting back together with your ex is only going to take you down a long and messy road of misery and unhappiness, it’s probably better than you don’t get what you want this time.

The First Step to Stopping a Break Up

Many relationships are worth saving. If you believe your relationship is in this group, the good news is that you can take concrete, strategic steps to stopping a break up or making up.

This video by T Dub has some powerful pointers on the mistakes to avoid doing in the context of a break up, and the first step to actually implement if you want to save your relationship.

Personally, I found the video not only insightful, but also amusing. Because the mistakes to avoid are the exact things I believe most people tend to do in a brash attempt to salvage a relationship and make the pain go away.

The best action steps are often counterintuitive. This is why, frequently, the utmost thing you can do is to resist your first instinct, think things through and act in a lucid, not emotional way.

Rebuilding the Connection

I believe that ultimately, making up is about recreating a lost emotional connection. That’s the only constructive approach to it.

Trying to guilt your partner into making up with you or to plead your way back into a relationship is either A) not going to work or B) work but get you right back where you started from in just a couple of months.

Manipulation is not a productive method to build any relationship, least of all a romantic relationship.

If you got into a relationship with a person and you both enjoyed it once, it’s because you had some sort of an emotional connection. But that connection either dwindled away in time, or it shattered all of a sudden due to various reasons.

Find a way to restore that emotional connection, and you have a healthy relationship again.

This is what I like about The Magic of Making Up. The best thing I can say in my review of this book is that it doesn’t teach you how to trick your way into a relationship, out of desperation. Instead:

  • It helps you understand what caused the breach in your relationship and decide if salvaging it is the best step;
  • It teaches you an effective, step-by-step strategy to reignite the flame, rebuild the connection and get back with your ex;
  • It provides pertinent advice on how to strengthen your relationship after making up and avoid ending up in the same situation again.

Check out The Magic of Making Up here.

If you have a relationship you want to salvage, you definitely need to read this ebook. It’s the best product on the market on the topic of making up and it will not disappoint you.

Image courtesy of CourtneyCarmody

On Health, Life and Love

I’m in writing overdrive. But you’re not going to see the content here on the blog, because it’s for an information product I’m currently working on.

I can’t tell you anything about it at this point, except that it is a practical, bullshit-free guide to making conversation with confidence. And it’s coming along beautifully.

I get so many emails on this topic that I decided it’s about time I create an information product addressing this issue.  There are four or five emails related to this in my Inbox right now, still waiting for me to answer them.

Anyway, since all my writing energy is focused on the guide this week, I decided to share with you on People Skills Decoded a couple of the educational videos I’ve been watching lately and getting a lot of value out of.

The first video is a presentation made by Mark Sisson, who is in my perspective one of the leading authorities on healthy eating and living, and the creator of the Primal Blueprint.

In this video, recorded at The 21 Convention, Mark discusses how to eat and exercise to be healthy, lean and active. If you tend to go with the conventional wisdom on this subject (whole grain cereals and stuff) this presentation will surprise you. Watch it here.

The second video is an old favorite of mine: a presentation on the science of love made by Helen Fisher, a person who actually studies love scientifically. Check it out below or on TED.

Big things are coming. Stay tuned.

Image courtesy of Sister72

Wow! 22 Personal Development Guides

If you are a personal development passionate, if you want to make the best out of your life, this is literally a once in a lifetime offer and I’m writing this post to let you know about it as soon as possible.

Some of the best and the brightest personal development bloggers out there have joined forces to give you their e-books, courses and guides in a package like you’ve never seen before. Check it out here.

Here’s why this is an awesome learning and growth opportunity for you:

  • There are 22 products in this package, worth a total of $1087.
  • For only 72 hours, you can have them all of them as a bundle, for only $97.

The package covers pretty much the entire range of personal development: money, career, happiness, confidence, relationships, productivity, traveling, love, and the list goes on.

Some of the tiles in this pack that grabbed my eye include:

  • Focus by Leo Babauta, one of the best and most read bloggers alive;
  • Reclaim Your Dreams by Jonathan Mead, who is an authority on, well, reclaiming your dreams.
  • A Daring Adventure collection, by Tim Brownson, one of the truly good life coaches out there.

What you have here is a compilation of the finest information products in the realm of personal development from people who really know their stuff. Their combined power to help you transform your life is impressive.

I can’t think of enough ways to tell you that you don’t want to miss this opportunity. Each guide in this package sells separately for anywhere between $37 and $77. For only 72 hours, you can get all 22 of them for just $97.

This special offer expires at Noon Eastern, on Thursday, June 23 and it will not be repeated. So you might wanna hurry up. Check out this package here.

Image courtesy of HarshPatel

How I Eat and Stay In Shape

I cannot believe that up until now, I have not written an article here about the way I eat. Yes, this blog is primarily centered on people skills, but healthy eating and living is such a big deal for me that it’s about time you and I have a talk about it.

In short: I’m going to share with you the way I eat to stay healthy and upbeat. It’s a method I’ve been implementing for the past year, after years of trial and error on other paths. It is creating impressive results for myself and many other people.

The method is primal eating and it is part of a whole primal lifestyle. You can find The Primal Blueprint, the book that fittingly details this way of eating and living, here.

My Evolution of Eating

When I was 19, while reading the chapter on health and energy in a Tony Robbins book, I had the epiphany that a good health is really important, and I decided to make being in tip-top shape a priority for myself. In time, this decision got reinforced continually.

Later, I became a permissive vegetarian, as what I was reading suggested that vegetarianism is the best way of eating and staying healthy. At that point, as a newbie, it made sense.

The only problem was that after a while, I noticed that my energy level wasn’t very high and my mood wasn’t too good either. Also, as I kept reading and researching the topic of healthy eating, I started to question the validity of vegetarianism from a scientific perspective.

For example, I started wondering: If vegetarianism is our natural way of eating, why do most vegetarians have deficiencies in B12 vitamin and need to take supplements? If we are naturally vegetarians, then eating vegetarian should give us all the nutrients we require.

As I continued my research, I stumbled a couple of years ago on the paleo lifestyle and the primal lifestyle. They are similar in nature, although paleo focuses more on eating while primal focuses on the broad range of lifestyle choices: eating, exercise, sleeping etc.

At first, I didn’t pay too much attention to these two lifestyle choices. But the more I read, the more I stumbled upon positive reviews of them. The data started to stack up and it was inspiring.

Eventually, about one year ago, I began to dig into the topic of primal eating and living: books, blogs, scientific research, case studies and so on. I was stoked by what I read, and I quickly decided to go primal. It was one of the best health and fitness decisions I ever made.

Eat Like a Caveman

The crux of primal eating is this: our species (Homo sapiens) has been around for about 1.5 million years. However, civilization has only been around for about 10.000 years, which is like a day within one year if we scale it down. On top of this, heavily processed and genetically modified food has only been around for a few decades.

From on evolutionary perspective, our bodies did not have the time to adapt to this new way of eating and living. For the most part, we still digest food the way out ancestors did back in the Paleolithic period.

Thus, if we want to stay healthy, be in shape, have massive energy and live long, fit lives, we need to eat the way our ancestors did for 99% of our existence as a species. That’s what we are biologically adapted to.

So, what did our Paleolithic ancestors eat? Well, they were hunter-gatherers. They ate mostly meat, fish, eggs, fruit, leafs and vegetables. In these foods, they found all the nutrients they needed to live a healthy life. And we modern humans can as well.

Mark Sisson, the creator of the Primal Blueprint sums it up nicely in this short video.

The Raw Results

We’ve all heard it before that fruits and vegetables are good for us, so no surprise there in primal eating. The counterintuitive advice is to eat lots of meat and to avoid grains. This is where primal eating seriously strays from vegetarianism.

Prior to going primal, I used to eat lots of bread (whole grain), pasta, cereals and cookies. In other words: grain based food. I also avoided meat. However, in the last year, I’ve reversed this process completely.

Looking at the results, it’s been one of the best dietary decisions I have ever made. For starters, I have more energy than I ever had. I am able to focus a lot better, work until late and not feel tiered.

I sleep less, live more intensely and I feel really good psychologically. I have nights when I go salsa dancing and I dance almost non-stop for the entire night. In the morning, it feels like I just had a light workout.

Personally, I can’t illustrate any results related to losing weight. I’m thin as a rail and dropping pounds has never been my concern. However, I do have a friend who decided to give the primal blueprint a try and managed for the first time in years to lose weight and keep it off without starving himself.

Beyond my results, the number of personal stories from people who switched to a primal lifestyle and managed to lose weight, get in shape, gain more energy and boost their mood is staggering.

What I really like about primal eating is that it’s very well researched. It is very convincing from a rational, scientific perspective and it’s in line with the top research in nutrition (which is often not the research most of us find out about).

A Primal Blueprint Review

I find the logic of primal eating and living impenetrable. At this point, I can’t believe so many people still don’t have a clue about it and they’re wasting their lives counting calories, exercising like mad and trying to get in shape by applying narrow-minded nutritional advice.

I strongly encourage you to check out the Primal Blueprint, as I give it a highly positive review, and to try primal living. In fact, I believe it may turn out to be one of the best lifestyle decisions you have ever made.

Mark Sisson, the author of the book, provides in it a complete map for healthy eating, exercising, sleeping and living. The entire blueprint is rigorously researched and it literally makes sense from any angle you look at it.

Even more, primal eating is less grueling that vegetarianism or any diet you can ever go on. It’s something to learn about and implement as a life-long eating strategy.

Image courtesy of  ionea76

This Article Contains Instances of Strong Language

I don’t believe in good language and bad language. I also don’t believe in good people and bad people. I’m not interested in broad labels and I try not to judge things or people based on them, but on factual results.

Personally, I don’t have any problem with words like ‘fuck’, ‘shit’ and so on (as you can tell). If they serve a purpose, I use them when I write articles, deliver speeches or make conversation. I have internalized all kinds of language, from the scientific to the trivial.

Well, not all persons are like that, and not all persons appreciate my language. For instance, while I get a lot of email from people who say they appreciate my straightforward writing style, I also get email from people who tell me they find my language offensive.

And I have learned to embrace both kinds of reactions. It took me a while, but I’ve realized that the first category of people cannot exist without the second one. I wouldn’t have my fans if I didn’t have my critics, because they all respond to the same personal style but in different ways.

Victims of Labels

This being said, I do find the arguments of individuals who reject the use of strong language amusing. A typical conversation for me with such a person (I’ll call them Bob) goes kind of like this:

Bob: “I don’t like your profane language. It’s unprofessional.”

Me: “Unprofessional. What does that mean specifically?”

Bob: “You know…. Unprofessional!

Me: “No, I don’t know. It’s a label, but what does it mean?”

Bob: “I suppose it means… incompetence.”

Me: “So you’re saying that my use of profane language is an accurate estimator of how competent I am in my field?”

Bob. “Well, no I guess not. But that kind of language shows disrespect.”

Me: “How?”

Bob: “It just does.”

Me: “I don’t buy that assumption. How precisely is my strong language an indicator of disrespect?”

Bob: “That’s how people see it.”

Me: “What people?”

Bob: “People.”

Me: “You mean ALL people?

Bob: “No. Yes. I’m not sure.”

This dialogue could go on forever, but Bob eventually finds it nauseating and gives up. Comedy aside, I think you can tell where I’m going. My point is this:

The use of strong language doesn’t mean shit.

Those interpretations we may give to the use of strong language are damn near arbitrary. We just believe they are correct because they’re spinning in our head like a broken disc.

Today, we have top professionals who use the word ‘fuck’ in almost every sentence and amateurs who try to appear competent by the use of ‘proper language’.

Words as Expression

There’s an episode of the TV show Bullshit (yes, that’s the name of the show) where Penn & Teller, the hosts of the show, debunk profanity. You might want to check it out.

I think Penn and Teller are aware of one key trait of language: its ability to convey meaning. Language is a way to express ideas, facts, emotions and ultimately, ourselves.

However, in order for language to do so, we must be willing to use its full range, even if some persons may not like it. Censoring ourselves for the sake of etiquette impairs personal expression. Do that often enough and you have no voice, and no impact.

Personally, I find the whole distinction between good and bad language juvenile and farfetched. But these are only two labels. I’ll tell you one practical lesson I’ve learned though, as a coach and as a person.

You’ll get a lot more out of being authentic in your communication than by trying to follow strict etiquette.

Will you piss some people off? Absolutely. Does it make a difference? No, not really. The only real way to never piss people off is to be invisible. I’ve been there, and trust me: it’s not very enjoyable.

The best way to go is to discover your inner voice, make it heard in a genuine way and make shit happen.

Image courtesy of CarbonNYC

Guys, It’s Time to Seduce with Style

If you’re a guy and you want more social and dating success, there are a lot of personal tweaks you can make to achieve this. Interestingly enough, I find that enhancing your look, which is a relatively accessible change to make, is an often ignored one.

I’m not talking about your looks here; I’m talking about your look; about the way you use your looks and project your personality through clothes, accessories and body-language.

Over the past few weeks, whenever I would talk with another guy about men’s fashion and building a personal look, I would find myself keenly recommending the same one ebook. So, I decided to review it here.

The ebook is called Seduce with Style. It’s the best information product I know for men who want to develop a personal look that boosts their social life and their success with women.

You can get the full details about the ebook here.

Also, check out this free SWS chapter about the 8 most common style mistakes to avoid.

Why Style Matters

Do you need to dress well and have style in order to be an attractive guy? In my perspective, absolutely not. Does it help? You’ve better believe it.

In fact, I think learning to dress with style as a guy is such a good move that if you’re looking to improve your social and dating life, this is what you should start with.

Optimizing your look as a guy involves significantly less effort than other personal changes and you’ll instantly see positive results: people (read girls) looking at you more, smiling more, flirting with you more etc.

Girls typically react to a guy’s look much more than to his looks. Often without even realizing it, they rate guys based on their look and what it sub-communicates. Then they often justify how we they react to a guy by invoking other, ‘less superficial’ factors.

I ignored the power of a stylish personal look for the most part of my life. I didn’t understand look, I only understood looks. But when I did start paying attention to the clothes I wore and to developing a personal style, I was floored by the positive impact.

Eventually, I realized there is a deeper, more subtle meaning to clothing and style, and that your look goes beyond your looks.

My Review of Seduce With Style

AlphaWolf, the author of Seduce with Style, is an Attraction Style Coach. I had an awesome conversation with him this week about the ebook, men, women, seduction and life, and I was impressed by his pragmatic thinking and his passion for what he does.

The ebook he wrote is not your average what-to-wear and how-to-tie-a-tie book for men. It digs into the underlying principles of men’s style and sexual communication, in order to teach men how to develop a seductive and expressive style.

As a guy, you’ll find in Seduce with Style practical advice on choosing and matching clothing pieces, adapting clothes to your constitution, choosing colors, layering clothes and accessorizing.

You will also find a powerful approach to your look as a way of communicating certain characteristics and seducing. One of my favorite sections of the book is the one about the 8 Style Attraction Switches and how to integrate them into your look.

Bottom line: if you’re a guy and you want to become more seductive, definitely take a look at your look. And if you do so, definitely get your copy of Seduce with Style in order to enhance your look.

Check out Seduce with Style here.

When you dress well and you know it, the challenges in your social life don’t disappear overnight, but they do become much easier to surpass.

Image courtesy of glitterygin20

If You Are Shy This Is Definitely For You

Many people try to make shyness seem like a cute and innocent trait to have.

Nevertheless, if you are shy and you know firsthand how shyness can disrupt your social life, you probably find it hard to view it that way. And if you have more than shyness, if you have social anxiety, the upheaval it breeds is even worse.

Well, today I’m going to let you know about an excellent ebook for people with shyness or social anxiety that I’ve reviewed and I sincerely recommend.

The Shyness and Social Anxiety System

The ebook is called The Shyness and Social Anxiety System. Its author, Sean Cooper, presents in it effective and little-known psychological techniques to destroy shyness and social anxiety.

You can get the full details about the ebook here.

I had an interesting conversation earlier this week with Sean about the way this book was born. Sean fought with shyness and social anxiety for many years. After loads of research and personal experimentation, he eventually discovered how to overcome shyness and implemented this psychological know-how successfully.

As a former shy, “invisible” guy myself, I find something fascinating in what Sean teaches in this ebook because you can tell he’s been through it, he knows personally what it’s like to have shyness and social anxiety, and he grasped how to beat it.

I think this is something few people who give advice on this topic can say. Many of them don’t really understand what it’s like to be shy; they just know part of the theory. As a consequence, a lot of the advice on how to overcome shyness is insipid and trite: “Just be yourself”, “Just do it”, etc. Yeah right!

I talk in more depth about this and issue and about the real science of social confidence in this free presentation.

My Review of the Ebook

I was pleasantly surprised by The Shyness and Social Anxiety System. It presents a both cognitive and behavioral approach to boosting social confidence, with a bit more focus on the behavioral part.

The ebook is extremely simple to read, to understand and most importantly, to apply. It contains ideas and techniques for beating shyness that you can take immediately and start applying, and you’ll see results.

On top of that, I find these ideas to be highly consistent with the scientific psychological research in this area, which is something I’m big on.

The Shyness and Social Anxiety System got me realizing things I wasn’t aware of about overcoming shyness. This is probably the finest proof I can give of the quality of this ebook, considering that I coach shy people almost on a daily basis and I believe I know a thing or two about overcoming shyness.

To conclude this review, if you struggle with shyness or social anxiety, coaching is out of your financial range and you’re looking for a quality information product to help you make real progress, this ebook is it.

Check out The Shyness and Social Anxiety System here.

Also, check out my Conversation Confidence guide here.

Shyness is a serious psychological issue to deal with and it can be dealt with successfully. But you need to use the best tools available.

Image courtesy of Ed Yourdon

Extra Golden Nuggets and One Free Ebook

Some exciting things have happened this week (and it’s only Tuesday), two of which I think you’ll find particularly interesting.

The Facebook Page

The first thing is that I have launched the People Skills Decoded Facebook Page. It’s not an alignment with a fad, it’s something I seriously reflected upon and I decided to create the page as a complement to this blog.

Here’s the thing: I write on People Skills Decoded one or two posts each week, posts that I load with valuable insights, concepts, methods and stories.

However, I discover ideas worth sharing every single day.

At the same time, I don’t want to develop every one of these ideas into blog posts. This is where the Facebook Page comes in, as a great way to share golden nuggets, spread the knowledge and stimulate open dialog.

More specifically, I will use this people skills page to share:

  • Articles that I write for other blogs and websites;
  • Books and articles that I’m reading and I recommend;
  • Pieces of precious knowledge from what I’m reading;
  • Insights and ideas I have on various self-growth topics;
  • News about my latest projects and experiences.

I recommend you to LIKE and get on the People Skills Decoded Facebook Page right now and if you find value in it, to let your friends know about it as well.

The Free Life Philosophies Ebook

The second big thing that happened this week is that my friend Joe Wilner, who is a life coach and writes the blog Shake off the Grind, has released a very cool ebook.

The ebook is called The Great Life Philosophies: 12 Bloggers Advice on Significant and Successful Living. The concept of this ebook is smart and simple: it puts together for your convenience 12 inspiring life philosophies from 12 bloggers, including yours truly.

The Great Life Philosophies ebook is FREE and available for instant download. So I encourage you to download it and read it.

In particular, check out my chapter in the book called Making Happiness Pursue You. Ever since I saw the movie “The Pursuit of Happiness” I knew it will inspire me to write an essay or something. Well, this is it.

That’s all for now; have a kick-ass week and I’ll talk to you soon.

Image courtesy of bogenfreund