‘I Have No Friends’ Help

Some of the people I work with as a social confidence coach have a decent social life and they’re just looking to enhance it, while some will tell me right off the bat: “I have no friends and barely any social life. I need help.”

When you’re in the ‘I have no friends’ category, you’re in a deeper hole than most people and there is a lot more work to be done in order to lift yourself out of it. However, don’t presume that this makes it harder. Rather, it simply makes it longer.

Why Do I Have No Friends?

If the number of friends in your social circle is zero, you are probably wondering: “Why do I have no friends?” This is a key question to answer. One thing I’ve noticed is a recurring set of characteristics that people with no friends share.

4101974109 1fd3ea8861 ‘I Have No Friends’ Help

If you’re in the “I have no friends’ category, one or more of the following explanations are probably valid for you:

1. Shyness. Almost every individual with zero friends that I’ve coached or met struggled with shyness or social anxiety. This made them uneasy about meeting new people and expressing themselves authentically, which makes friends making almost impossible.

2. Poor conversation skills. It’s also common for individuals who have no friends to lack certain conversation skills. This is usually shyness related. They often have a hard time keeping a conversation going and moving it beyond fluff. Thus, it’s difficult for them to create a connection with others.

3. Being too nice. Contrary to popular belief, being a very nice person who always listens to others and never says a rude word doesn’t make you the popular person everyone respects. In fact, you come off as needy and desperate; not the kind of person one wants to be close friends with.

4. Having a one-dimensional life. Often, people who have no friends whatsoever not only lack a social life, but they have a one-dimensional life altogether. They may only focus on study or on work, so they find it nearly impossible to carry a meaningful conversation on any other topic.

Now that we know what the roots of the problem are, let’s take a look at the solution.

Focus Primarily On Social Confidence

As a person with the “I have no friends. What to do?” dilemma, the single most important step you can take is to overcome your shyness and boost your social confidence.

Commit to making this transformation, as it will have the most resonating impact, in your social life and beyond it. With more social confidence, it’s easier to get involved in social activities, meet people, make conversation, develop and edge and be yourself.

The process of boosting social confidence basically involves two forms of actions:

1. Getting out of your comfort zone. Interestingly enough, you typically don’t gain confidence first and go meet people second; you go meet people despite lacking in confidence and this helps you develop it. Your internal reality follows your external one.

2. Changing your self-image. I’m willing to bet that if you have no friends, you have a pretty screwed up view of yourself. Thus it’s important to improve your self image and self esteem directly, by changing the way you habitually think about yourself.

If you want to learn how to skyrocket your social confidence in just a few weeks, check out this presentation, where I’ll show you my proven method for building social confidence.

Tune-Up Your Conversation Skills

As you regularly push yourself out of your comfort zone and become more outgoing, this creates more opportunities to practice your conversation and people skills. You’re accumulating social experience and you’re training your social muscle. And just like any other muscle, the more you train it the more it grows.

In addition to this, if you want to accelerate your progress, learn and apply specific principles and techniques for improving your conversation and people skills. For example: learn to read body-language better, learn to communicate expressively or to lead a conversation smoothly in any direction.

Get a Life, Not Just a Social Life

Last but not least, keep in mind that the people who find it the easiest to make friends commonly have a rich live overall. They travel, read, meet lots of people, have hobbies and try new things on a regular basis.

When you live this kind of a life, making conversation, being interesting and connecting with others happens effortlessly. On the other hand, when all you can talk about are a rather repetitive job and a tedious TV watching experience, that’s not a lot to go on.

So don’t wonder “Why do I have no friends?” and dwell on this question too much. Instead, get out there, get a life in general and your social life in particular will flourish organically.

I’ve seen people achieve incredible progress in making friends and improving their social life. The overall blueprint is laid out for you. Put it into practice, learn to calibrate the fine details and keep at it. You’ll see some stupefying results.

Image courtesy of Bert Kaufmann

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Comments

  1. Hi Eduard,

    Very interesting topic. In fact, my wife and I were talking this weekend about hiring a coach to help my 7 year old daughter be better with social situations.

    Do you think that this type of coaching is appropriate for such a young child? We have noticed that she lacks confidence in certain social settings, and it would be great to help her with this.

    -Fred

    • Hey Fred,

      I think it’s never too early to work with a coach. And there are social coaches out there who specialize in working with children.

  2. This post reminds me of a friend I had who was the most brilliant conversationalist I’ve ever seen. He could talk on any subject, and make it hilarious and enthralling.

    He was exactly like you described, well-traveled, well-educated, and did new things all the time.

    One of the keys to learning how to communicate better is to have things to communicate about in the first place! Well put, Eduard.

    • Ha, two comments in a row by guys named Fred! What were the chances? :)

      I love having friends like the guy you describe. Those are the people I actively seek out.

  3. I was very social while growing up all the way until I started working full-time.

    Once I got into working and career I put socializing on the back-burner.

    I still focus more on work than socializing these days but I am getting better.

    • Hi Justin,

      Been there. And I can’t tell you how many people complain that they have no time for socializing because they’re too busy with work.

      Nevertheless, if socializing with quality people is important to you, then you need to MAKE time for it.

  4. Stephen says:

    “Contrary to popular belief, being a very nice person who always listens to others and never says a rude word doesn’t make you the popular person everyone respects. In fact, you come off as needy and desperate; not the kind of person one wants to be close friends with.”

    I wouldn’t say this if I didn’t feel this paragraph was hugely erroneous. I know a few people who are *always* nice, always very tactful, and they do NOT come off as needy or desperate, they are respected, and they have close friends. Maybe “extreme niceness” backfires on people who are not genuinely or naturally nice…maybe. But there are some people out there who are naturally nice and I think it ends up being part of their charm.

    • Stephen, there are degrees to niceness and I think that some degree of it is not only beneficial, but a social necessity. However, you can easily go overboard with it and end up being the kind of person who supplicates to others all the time and gets tooled by others.

      Even the people who seem to make friends easily by being nice, if you look beyond the surface, often have problems developing that deep, solid connection with people. You should check out No More Mr. Nice Guy, by Dr. Robert Glover. It can give you a fresh perspective on this.

  5. Colette says:

    Interesting finding this site. I just was thinking I have 4 boys and not a lot of friends. Some times I like it that way. I’m tired. You have to have energy for friends.lol. :) I also don’t travel a lot because of kids. I get invited by other moms to go work out, but I have an issue leaving my kids in day cares where they alway end up getting sick a couple days later. I had to chuckle about the “nice guy” subject. I’ve had a sister in-law not want to be friends with me because she said I was too nice and not *itchy enough for her. In the past year I’ve actually made one friend that had someone say the same thing to her. We get along great. I think it’s important that when you think “I don’t have anyfriends”, you first of all don’t beat yourself up. But if you really want friends definitely evaluate what you could be doing to prevent it from happening and get out of the there, open yourself up to converstation. I moved a lot growing up and learned how to make lots of friends. My problem is keeping them. I also think I tend to talk to much when I get nervous. Thanks for the post though. You’ve got some good advice.

    • Making quality friends does take some time Colette. If this is an important area for you (and from what I can tell, it is), you’ll need to put some time into it and also into boosting your social confidence. Things get a lot easier when you’re assertive and confident.

  6. I don’ t seem to have any real, trusting friends at work anymore, if I need to complain about someone , I don’ t seem to get any backing from them. What should I do next without causing any arguments, lol. . .

    • Maybe they don’t back you up because they don’t feel the need to complain about the person? Only you do…
      Stop being a complainer, I’m sure most people don’t like that, it’s too much negativity.

  7. Im 21, not 1 friend besides my boyfriend. We live together and money is tight. I only made 1 friend in high school, hes not talking to me (long irrelevant story). When I was little we moved a lot thanks to my military dad and then when my parents got divorced, my mom was always moving us, schools apartments. Ive never had a lot of friends after 4th grade, there was no point to me because I always moved and ended up losing them. Now Im in junior college, all the other students are younger than me because I had to take time off to work. In class there is no talking and afterward everyone just dashes off to their next class. The school is far from my apartment too so I dont linger. I have 0 social life, I go to sleep at 11 on weekends. Im trying to find another job but Im so depressed. It seems like whenever I do make an acquaintance they dont want to further it and I dont know how to ask to be friends without sounding pushy. I feel like people think Im weird or ugly or something the way everyone seems to avoid me or look at me oddly when I try to make conversation. My family says Im funny, pretty, a great person, and I look in the mirror see a decent girl, but I must be invisible to everyone else. Feels like Ill always be alone. My brothers are both fine, tons of friends, but most people in high school didnt even know I existed, and if I was mentioned it was always as “Johns sister”, never my name. I feel like a loser. Im depressed and its gotten so bad and so built up that Ive considered suicide but thatd be pathetic so I wont. Besides, who would come to my funeral?

    • Hi Bgirl, we are pretty much in the same situation. Im 21 I have a boyfriend who i seem to spend most of my time with, if we go out its with his friends and although i do talk I feel awkward at the same time, talking to they’re girlfriends etc. I was very sociable at school however, i had a great circle of friends and a different circle outside school with my hobbies. Life was great, i would love to live those days again, but as we all got older and people left for university things changed, school was over and I felt alone. I dont talk to any old friends anymore apart from the occasional “hi” in the street but thats it. There’s a difference to having friends and having people you ‘know’ it just depends which makes you happier.

    • I feel ya in so many ways. I’m married in my 30s with kids. I have acquaintinces but I feel like really alone like I have nobody that’s there for me or celebrates me like bdays or even calls or emails. I always make the effort in my friendships.sometimes I won’t call or text for awhile to see what happens and guess what? Nobody calls.
      My husband works alot to support us so its not like when we were in our 20s and we could hang out all the time. I’m sahm somebodys gotta pay bills so I feel alone. I have 2 sisters and always thought we would be close but one hass a lot of stuff that keeps her busy the other thinks I’m to needy and co-depent. I went from having my sisters in hs and college as best friends sothen my husband in my 20s now everyone is like busy with their lives andjobs and I really feel very alone.
      I feel like I’ve worked really hard at keeping in touch with people being caring but its not recipricated.I often feel like what’s wrong with me I’m funny interesting love a good conversation. I’m missing something. I’m not suicidal don’t me I’m thankful for my husband and kids howeveridid think recently when I do pass who would show up. Would acquatinances and say how sad it is?or would they bother.
      I definitly don’t feel like I live life to fullest. I always think someone else is having more fun.
      Both my sisters have friends and are in high demand.my husband has lots of friend. I do feel like they care about me from a distance.
      For some reason maybe its the whole social networking thing? I just except for my kids feel very alone most of the time.

    • Your story is painful…most of all because it is pretty much my story. It appears to run in my family; my Uncle’s wife just died but he decided to not have a service because, to quote him, “we have no friends and no one would come.” It was then that I realized I am heading at breakneck speed for that fate and I don’t think I can do anything about it. I have to face facts…it is probably too late to change it. If I initiate a get together I can get people to visit and we can do stuff, but if I let it go and don’t make contact for a while NO ONE will ever call me to see how I’m doing. Really *#&^ depressing. But, as you said, not enough to get suicidal because WHO WOULD COME to the funeral?

  8. its funny because inside my social circle being too nice doesn’t always help. Usually they just say a mean joke to me. I think they’re my friends, but im not sure. How do i know

  9. frenshmann2010 says:

    Ugh im a fresh man and i have no freinds. well the people in my age dont like me. im new to the school i go to now. before i moved i WAS freinds and cool with everybody. and still is we still talk go out etc. but it was my fault i put my self out there i was really loud, annoying and call people names, (at the school) no one likes me (well i do have freinds but not alot that are freshmann)! its pretty hard because sometimes at lunch i dont know where to sit because i dont know anyone and i dont wanna sit be myself. everyone that i went to elemenrty middle school and the high school before i moved thought i was perfect funny smart fun to be around, weird cool chill. so many more words but i just dont know what do know i need help,? please

  10. I also have few friends. Part of it is because I don’t want to reach out to people who I think are not smart/quirky enough to understand what I am saying. Maybe I am wrong? And people who are not quite as intelligent as me could be good for company? My experience so far has been that most people bore me and I would rather be alone than make the (dishonest) effort to converse with them about things that interest the mainstream.

    On the other hand, I have realized that some of the few people *I* admired did not want much to do with me either. So, what is left is very few people who I find interesting and they find me interesting too. They are less than 10, maybe less than 5. I am not too happy about it, I suppose I have two options (a) be more inclusive in the company I keep (although I did that in the past and did not work out, because I had no standards whatsoever) and (b) seek out people that I find interesting in a more efficient way, like taking the courage to speak to intelligent people even if they are not very approachable, hanging out in the right places etc.

    I don’t believe my social situation has much to do with awkwardness, I mean, when a conversation goes awkward, it’s usually because we really have few things in common with the other person and I am not willing to use energy to try and hide it, because that would be dishonest, and that’s what I have done in the past. I am in a place right now where I really need to listen to my own voice, uncluttered. Friendship, the way I have approached it until now, is not really an aid, but an obstacle in my way – essentially, the voice of the ‘many’ pushing me back.

    What I want is to find myself. And when I do that, maybe I will know how to approach friendship in a healthy way – by not being starved for attention from just anyone like I used to be nor as guarded and judgemental of people as I am now.

  11. NoFriendsEither says:

    This is a very interesting post – thanks!

    The explanations above do explain why I don’t have any friends at the moment – it is a recurring theme for me actually. What happens though, if I like my un-rich life the way it is, with the repetitive job and tv-watching existence? Because I know it is not cool, but I like living that way…Every once in a while I’ll go through an exciting phase where I step out and try a whole heap of new things, meet new people, try to improve myself etc, and I do find my conversation skills improve as I can talk about what I’ve been doing. But sooner or later I go back into my shell and live a most basic existence… Guess I value security and stability higher than friends..

    Anyway I think it is great that these issues are being discussed – keep up the good work!

  12. NoLifeAndNoFriends says:

    I tick everyone of those categories! I think you’ve missed something quite important – being funny! Humour seems to be the key. Everyone likes to be round funny people, people who make them laugh! I’ve seen some people who can be really horrible but because they are funny they have lots of friends and have respect and get treated differently to people who are shy and not so talkative. Infact people will treat shy people quite badly and roughshod over them as they know they don’t know how to respond.
    I’m worried not for myself but for my child as I don’t want him to turn out like me, have really struggled all my life socially as a child right through to an adult. I worry if he hangs around me my personality (or lack of it) will rub of on him!

  13. alsoalone says:

    I can relate to so many of the posts, especially the ones about people who used to have a lot of friends. While at university, I had a ton of friends and a very active social life. Now, I find it very hard to meet people at work or outside of work. Even if the person is nice, I find that they have a lot of other friends and are not looking for more. I could have a great afternoon talking to someone at a party but when I ask for a phone number or email I get a blank look. I have met so many people who are content to stay friends with the people they have known their whole life and do not want to make new ones. The other problem I have is that some people at work are downright hostile and I am not sure why. I try to be nice, ask questions about themselves, be encouraging but clearly I am doing something wrong. People at work make plans to socialize right in front of me and I feel so hurt and left out, but I feel like they are purposely letting me know I am not invited so I don’t say anything. I can’t stop feeling bad whenever this happens and it can ruin my day, even though I am not sure they realize it makes me feel this bad.

  14. stillkicking says:

    I have a one dimensional life, a mild stutter, no social skills (which is weird because I use to be the life of the party)and while I’m not shy I’m not exactly blooming with confidence. I am not overly nice but I don’t do anything wrong. Being funny is a bad solution in my point of view. And I CAN be funny. Here’s a story:

    Once upon a time I decided to be funny. People loved me, and wanted to be around me. The next day I was left completely alone because I wasn’t being funny.

    I don’t want superficial friends, who like a trait of me and nothing else.

    Let me tell you another story:

    Once upon a time I decided to talk to people and take risks and go outside my comfort zone. People thought I was drunk.

    I’m beginning to think it’s a problem with my own personality. If ‘me’ is drunk, than it’s a problem with me.

    Here’s my advice on making friends:

    Be talented and different and still fitting in, while also assuming a lot of responsibility without being visually stressed, and have time to talk to friends without having bad grades, and do bad things because people want you to without being caught, and give people money without being rich, and be smart without being shy or awkward.

    Basically, to have friends, you have to think you’re better than them, because at that point you probably are.

  15. I’ve gone through my whole life not having friends. When I was younger, in elementary and middle school, I could always attach myself to at least one person who’d talk to me in class and let me sit with them at lunch and have occasional sleepovers, but now that I’m older I can’t even make minor connections with other people. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Sometimes I think I’m fundamentally unlikable or “evil” in a way that other people can intuitively detect, but then I think of some truly awful people I’ve known who were never short of friends and I realize that it must have something to do with me and the way I act around people. But I really honestly don’t know what it is that I’m doing wrong, so how can I do anything to fix it?

    There are a few people I’ve met who’ve had this “glow” around them that made them absolutely irresistible. Maybe it’s called “charisma”? It doesn’t seem to have anything to do with class, or intelligence, or appearance. Some people just seem to have it, while others couldn’t sell their souls for a piece of it. I’d give anything for this quality myself, but somehow I think it will always elude me. I have no idea how to even get started developing it. But I’m tired of feeling as though I’m wasting my life. I’m tired of other people having friends, and receiving endless compliments, and being endlessly adored, while I’m just ignored or passively resented.

    I have to do something to change things. I don’t know what. But I have to do *something*.

    • Lonely Laura says:

      We must be twins. Cause I’m with you with every word you said. I mean every single thing you wrote was almost like i wrote it. I’m forty and it just hurts when you have nobody to talk to. I always ask myself what’s wrong why or what am i not doi g right

  16. lonelybutokay says:

    I feel a lot better since reading all these posts – I always felt like I was the only one! I was never part of the popular group in school but always had friends that I had a deep level of friendship with. Then with college they all moved on, I had a baby (whom I love) and didn’t. I find making small talk difficult and had felt that there was something wrong with me. Just knowing other people find making new friends a problem too takes away my loneliness, so thank you to all who posted.

  17. Well it’s nice to know that I;m not the only one. As a child I have always been quiet. Apparently one of my teachers had claimed that there was something wrong with me. As a grew up I continued to be quiet. My grades in school were good, and I talked to people in class. However there was not a single person that I hung out with outside of class. In college it was the same story all over again. I talked to people in class but I was never friends with them. For many years I wondered why I was able to make friends, while others seem to collect friends left and right. What was written above is very true to me. However there is another element:

    I once told my mother that I was weird. She looked at me and said, “It’s not that you are weird. It’s simply that you hold your secrets too close to your heart and never open up to people.” Now I’ve learned a bit about opening up. I’ve luckily found 1 friend that I can open up and talk about anything to. However we rarely hang out together as we are always busy with our respect lives.

    Sorry for the ramble.

  18. alsoalone says:

    Is there a more active forum to discuss these issues? I agree with an above poster that is makes things so much easier to see that you are not alone with this. I would love to be on a forum to discuss experiences and strategies to improve.

  19. Richard says:

    I known for a while that I didn’t have any friends it’s been like that my whole life. I guess that’s what I’m ment not to have in school I didn’t have any I always tried to fit in but didn’t know we’re I struggle with knowing who I am I like to have friends and I guess I get used to it I didn’t have much of a child hood and just today while sitting here I finally kicked in hard that I’m a loser I feel all alone even though I’m a father but my only friend I did have was my dad but he just passed

  20. I find myself to have always been in this situation especially now. I’m a senior, also dual enrolled as a freshman in college. Growing up as a child I had one close friend but we both grew up and went separate ways as different people. Recently I had a tight knit group of close friends but I always felt nervous around them. I was never anyone’s favorite and I later found out that they would all make fun of me. I ditched them all. I also recently lost my serious boyfriend of two years in a harsh breakup. I have only one parent who is very unsupportive and one on and off friend of six years, due to her own issues. Whenever I’m single a few guys will talk to me, but only for them to later say they only want one thing. I’m not shy, I just feel like everytime I talk to someone in school they judge me very harshly. Though I know I’m decently pretty and haven’t done anything wrong. Is my search for friendship hopeless?

  21. Omg…I thought I was the only one out there that is like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole! I hear of people hanging out with their friends and wonder wth is wrong with me?!? I have had friends in the past and have been very hurt by them (used…maybe that “too nice” thing). Thing is some part of me doesn’t want to go thru the bs that other people bring into your life…people can be hurtful and mean. But it does bother me that I don’t have friends…makes me feel like a social outcast.

  22. Fentanyl addict says:

    I have always been a bit of a loner. At school I always latched onto someone ‘nice’ but we were not really friends. I had friends outside of school but always questioned why they liked me or wanted me around. I broke off from this group for a while but my mum forced me go out and we became friends again. I was like 9 or something. At 12, we had to move suddenly and I never saw these people again. From that point forward I have been doing the same thing over and over. With each year at uni I made acquaintances that come end of year, I never saw again. Now I work as a doctor it’s the same thing excePt it happens 3 times a year (every time I rotate). I was ok with this way of being until about 4 years ago when something changed. Since then I have degenerated into someone I despise.

    My house is always dirty, I have absolutely no social life, and I have no pride I myself. I have been injecting drugs, my work colleagues have become concerned – I’m always late and look tired. I seem to have been getting more and more angry over the years. I want to hide who I am and I’ve actually got good at it, but I desperately want someone to understand and be my friend.

    I have no friends, no interests, poor social skills, no family, I’m a virgin and I feel like I am truely on a road to nowhere.

    Rant over

  23. I have no friends, but I’m not socially awkward. None of this did anything for me. I don’t have friends because the people that are around me are either very boring, ugly, and depressing, or always partying doing drugs and spending large amounts of money for one day of fun. There aren’t any “regular” people where I live. Nobody in the middle.

  24. Hi Everyone,

    My name is Marie and I am a 34 year-old new Mom. I don’t feel so alone now. After reading your posts I now know there are other “friendless” people out there with experiences just like mine. It seems that my whole life I have always gone above and beyond for my friends. I did it because I wanted to…because my friends were important to me, like family. Well, slowly but surely I would begin to realize that 1) I was always being taken advantage of and 2) Not one friend would ever do for me what I did for them. These two lessons were learned the hard way over and over again. As soon as I cut back on my good doings my phone stopped ringing, no texts, etc. It really hurts. I know I’m a good person. I’m smart, well traveled, a decent conversationalist, loyal, etc. I’m not trying to toot my own horn, I just don’t know why I sit here with not one friend to call when I see others who lie, deceive, cheat and back stab with social lives and friendships that I so yearn for. Do you have to be all of the above in today’s society to have friends? I really feel like a loser. If it weren’t for my husband and son I would have not one person to talk with. Yes, I have work friends and neighbor friends, but nothing more ever materializes. It actually feels very liberating to finally say this. I miss having friends but I will not and cannot allow myself to be treated how I was in the past.

  25. Depression is often attached to shyness. I don’t feel shy like I used to but I get very easily or constantly depressed. I become completely frozen unable to speak around beautiful women, and or single women. I start melting, sweating, can’t breathe. I wish I was faraway or dead. What do I have to offer anyone? Nothing. I’ve spent almost 20 years now working minimum wage jobs unable to get any money saved away or go anywhere exciting. I’m 34 years old but I still feel like I’m 14. I feel lost, I’ve lost my way and no matter how hard I try, I can’t get myself back up. I wish I was dead. I’m so lonely and desperate for a little kindness I can’t laugh. I wish my life was over. I feel like I failed myself and failed my parent’s expectations of me.

  26. Thank you for the article. My social skills are lacking and need to be less controlling and I will earn friendships.

  27. I am 37 with no friends at all. Acquaintances but no friends. People that I think are my friends make zero effort to call email text etc. I have to be the one to contact and offer a plan. When I don’t then no one bothers with me. I tried all thru college, then in my career and now as a mom to make friends. Tried being happy, outgoing, helpful, nice, funny etc. In college I would think I’ve made a friend only to have them ignore me and hide from me on campus. After a few rounds of that I stopped trying to make friends in college. Even in my major where our group was only 20 people I was ignored by them all. When I worked I tried to make friends with my coworkers. They would go out for drinks often and never wanted me to go. They would make sure I wasn’t around when they made plans and whenever they talked about it. As a mom I joined the pta, volunteered at the school, joined a playgroup etc. Didn’t make one friend. Watched as everyone else formed groups. Made one friend I thought until I realized that she only talked to me when I initiated contact. Talked about going to a paint place once. She ended up going with other friends. Oh well. My folks often ask about friends and I change the subject or lie. They mentioned once about what I’ll do for my 40th birthday. Nothing. My husband and our kids and I will go out to eat. But as of right now I have no friends to celebrate with and I’m sure that won’t change. I get so sad when I see other people posting to their friends about them being excited to help celebrate their birthday. No one in my adult life has ever said that to me.

    • Janice,
      I’m so sorry you are feeling this way. Have you discussed this with your husband? How close are you to your family? You say they have brought the subject up but you change the subject or lie. If the subject comes up again, perhaps you could use this as an opportunity to open up and get some useful feedback. You could say something straight forward such as
      “I’m so busy with the kids these days but I would really like to meet some new people and make friends. I’m not having much luck. What do you think?”
      They might give you some valuable pointers. Do you have any cousins who you could talk to? Are you working at the moment? Have you considered talking things over with a therapist?
      I’m sorry if you have considered all these things already. All you can do is work on improving yourself. You can’t change the behaviour of others. Look upon making friends as a challenge/project. Seek feedback about yourself and your approach . What do others think about you?

  28. I am in my early 50’s but even as an adult female, I don’t necessarily think it is all age realted, as to why I only have 1 or 2 friends max. I think I am too nice,and try to agree with and avoid disagreements with anyone. I think I should start not agreeing to everything everyone says for fear of loosing a friend, but be a friend that speaks their mind.

  29. Angelalovely says:

    This pertains to my daughter. Good looking girl, a career in law-enforcement, smart, loyal…and not a friend in her life. Acquaintances, who I believe include her through “pity”, but no actual friends. At 25 she seems destined for loneliness. She does seem very “one dimensional” most of the time. She does not know how to have a true conversation with someone…mostly talks about her job. I’ve long suspected she suffers from a mild form of “Asperger’s syndrome”, but she has never been diagnosed. How can I help her? She often calls me on her 3 days off and says she’s bored, has nothing to do, and I feel badly for her situation. Just to give a little more insight; she has two younger siblings which are extremely “friended”, if you will. My husband and I are well-liked, have friends. She was in a 2 year relationship, but it always seemed that when her and the boyfriend were together it was an awkward pairing…neither of them had friends. I’m at a loss, and I’ve told her to seek therapy but she says there is no therapy for “awkward”. What can I say/do to help!

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