If social interactions don’t go for you as well as you would like and you sometimes tend to put your foot in your mouth during conversations, you may be asking yourself: “Am I socially awkward?”
Drawing from my experience as a social confidence coach, I want to explain the characteristics of socially awkward people and help you comprehend if you are socially awkward or not, as well as show you what to do about it.
The Profile of Socially Awkward People
Socially awkward persons possess a set of distinctive traits. The more of these traits you have and the larger their degree, the higher on the social awkwardness scale you’re likely to be. Here they are:
1. Feeling nervous in social settings. The typical socially awkward person doesn’t feel comfortable in social situations. They are anxiety producing.
This is one of the main factors that often make them behave in weird ways around other people. Nervousness leads to a creepy demeanor, and realizing that your demeanor is creepy creates even more nervousness, so we have an ongoing negative cycle.
2. Not understanding social norms. Often when I talk with a socially awkward person, they tell me they often don’t know what’s appropriate for them to do and what’s not in a social situation.
They don’t know how is it OK to start a conversation, what conversation topics is it best to talk about and when, or what is it suited to joke about and what is it not. Obviously, this lack of understanding can lead to either weird or shy behavior.
3. Often having a different impact than intended. It’s common for socially awkward people to joke about something and others to find the joke uncalled for, or to try and give a compliment, only for it to come off in a distasteful way.
In other words, they intend to generate one result, and they end up generating a totally different one. This mismatch is a sign of a deficiency of social calibration.
4. The lack of conversation flow. Everybody has conversations that don’t flow, have awkward silences or end abruptly. But for socially awkward people, this is the rule, not the exception.
Their conversations are habitually like a rough wagon ride on a bumpy country road.
5. Frequently being avoided or ridiculed by others. If others actively try to dodge interactions with you, or they often mock you during them, they probably see you as the weird person in the group.
And if they see you this way, it can be a sign that your social behavior is awkward and makes it easy to attract the derision of others.
6. The lack of meaningful connections with others. Since they struggle with making conversation, feeling at ease around others and expressing themselves effectively, socially awkward people typically lack strong connections with others.
They generally have few friends, if any, and a very small social circle. They spend a lot of time alone and to say their social life is less than fulfilling is an understatement.
OK. These are the 6 distinctive traits of socially awkward individuals. Taking them into consideration, this is a good moment to ask yourself again “Am I socially awkward?”
If The Conclusion Is “I Am Socially Awkward”
If the conclusion of this self-assessment is that you are socially awkward, this is likely an issue with a visible negative impact on your life. You could have much better relationships and be a lot happier if you deal with this effectively. I have three essential pieces of advice I can offer you.
The first and most important is to develop your social confidence. To a very large extent, social awkwardness is produced by shyness and anxiety in social settings.
When you’re anxious, you can’t think straight, you stumble, bumble and fumble around, and thus you embarrass yourself. Work on improving your social confidence, and I promise you that most of this will take care of itself.
Check out this free presentation I’ve created to learn how to eliminate anxiety and boost your social confidence.
The second advice is to learn the basic social norms. The basic principles of social interactions can be learned from books, courses or socially savvy people. Knowing them and applying them will aid you adjust your social behavior to the situation.
However, beyond the basic principles, everything else can only be learned through experience. No other person can tell you exactly what to do and say during a social interaction.
This is why the third advice is to gain lots of experience interacting with others. Meet new people, make conversation, experiment, notice the results and fine-tune your behavior accordingly.
In time, this real-life social experience will transform you from socially awkward to socially intelligent. And of course, a huge part of the nerve to do all this socializing comes, again, from developing your social confidence.
If you want to discover exactly how you can do this, make sure you watch my social confidence presentation.
Fortunately, overcoming social awkwardness is absolutely possible, no matter who you are. You can become a socially calibrated person who makes conversation effortlessly, has awesome friends and enjoys a great social life.
The key is to use focus on achieving this with determination, seek the best advice available and implement it.
Image courtesy of DaveAustria.com
December 29, 2011 at 7:53 am
I think it’s wonderful that you wrote this piece to help people who feel stuck in social awkwardness. Because we all want to feel accepted, it can be a real problem to find yourself unable to relax and fit into social situations.
Building self-confidence, I agree, is a perfect place to start. Even if it doesn’t turn a person into some type of social magnet, they’ll at least feel good enough to accept themselves and to attract others who accept them as-is.
October 17, 2012 at 2:43 am
I completely agree. I fit in this category so well. I am currently taking medications for my ADHD, Major Depression Disorder (MDD), and Anxiety; which leads to my social anxiety. So, thanks for writing this. Hopefully this will help my self confidence as well. And I know that this is not a very good thing for me to do, but in order to help me relax and feel accepted, I drink until I am plastered…even then, I still continue to drink and I do it because I love the results and the results are people end up loving me.
January 29, 2013 at 7:06 pm
Christina, sounds like you have a long journey ahead of you, but trust me, it’s worth taking it and staying on it.
I get it that medication and alcohol help you with your mood. But you’re addressing the symptoms, not the problem. Which is better than nothing, however it means you’ll be dependent them for the rest of your life. I suggest that you try a psychological approach with a proven track-record like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or Coaching, which will help you solve the real root problem, plus getting some help in learning some basic social skills.
February 16, 2012 at 7:05 am
I find that people don’t care so much how “socially awkward” you are when they see that you’re a “good” person. Be nice, be friendly, show some respect, spread some love. It may be difficult in the beginning but with enough practice you will learn how to communicate better.
June 14, 2012 at 6:16 am
Damn this is so accurate it’s almost frightening. This is exactly the plan of action I need.
January 29, 2013 at 7:08 pm
Then you know what you have to do Matt. Sounds like you might wanna join my free social confidence newsletter as well. I send weekly advice in it for building social confidence and social skills. Join here: http://www.socialconfidencesecrets.com
June 17, 2012 at 1:30 pm
You should help men approach women during day/night.
June 26, 2012 at 5:54 am
I am teribly socially awkward, my fiends know it. I have very few friends. An yet, the friends I have are for life, and we always have each others backs.
January 29, 2013 at 7:47 pm
Hey Jen,
It’s great that you have these kinds of friends. Few people, socially awkward or not, can say they have friends for life. The risk though is that if you don’t feel able to socialize with people in general and make friends, you’ll feel dependent on these friends and get clingy. This is why it’s a good idea to work on developing your social confidence and skills.
July 24, 2012 at 3:44 pm
I always wondered why it was so hard for me to make friends and why people would avoid me alot and now I know. The truth hurts but I am willing to make the necessary changes to better my self confidence.
July 25, 2012 at 9:46 am
I am very socially awkward and I must say, this is very… correct (I cant think of the proper term to be used here… I am also dyspraxic) I sometimes find myself making comments or jokes about current social matters (for exampel,the recent shooting in Colarado)And people just glare at me, and I fall into an akward moment of silence. It probably would help to get more self confidense, and be able to start a “proper conversation”, but I find it rather difficult; I always find myself talking about strange things with my friends, and not wanting to talk to new people/ make new friends. And whenever I do talk with new people, I sometimes find myself babbling on about strange things.
January 29, 2013 at 1:07 am
Im a bit like nikolas in the sense that i don’t neccesarily enjoy meeting new people. I hardly have any friends and although I have had some good friends, most of the time I end up making friends with people I don’t feel comfortble with. Also, Im not confident at all. Sometimes I just want to sit in a room alone and cry because I have no social life. I find it really hard to approach people and sometimes im really clingy. I just feel like a serious loner sometimes.
February 11, 2013 at 7:11 am
I feel the same way about being socially awkward, I don’t really enjoy meeting new people and making new friend, i actually find that unnecessary. I feel like why would i want to be friends with people that mock me a lot and don’t give a damn about me. dude, don’t give up hope. it is not that a big deal not having social life, you might end up happier with only a few, yet, true friends that really care about you.
February 15, 2013 at 7:11 pm
You are right, you don’t have to be friends with people who mock you or you don’t really like. You don’t have to get along with everybody. But it is important to have some friends in your life and enjoy rewarding relationships. Otherwise you’re gonna experience a lot of frustration and sadness down the road. So if you feel you have a problem with making friends altogether, even with people who might be really cool, you want to work on gaining some confidence and improving your people skills.
January 29, 2013 at 7:49 pm
The most important thing is to get as much social experience as you can under your belt. As you do so, you’ll improve your ability to calibrate socially and this sort of reactions to your remarks will be considerably less frequent.
August 2, 2012 at 8:16 am
Some people are socially awkward probably because they are not around people that much. They stay home all or most of the time. They don’t go out that much. They may have just one friend or a few. I honestly describe myself as one of those people.
I think that the solution for us socially awkward people is just surrounding ourselves with strangers, friends, neighbors, family relatives, so on. The closer we are to others, the better and more confident we would be. Otherwise, we could be bitter, depressed, and lonely human beings.
August 24, 2012 at 12:08 pm
i always think that i’m socially awkward but dn’t know how to overcome this problem..
January 29, 2013 at 7:51 pm
Here’s a good starting point. Get on my free newsletter: http://www.socialconfidencesecrets.com
August 29, 2012 at 5:12 pm
I always find it hard to talk to people unless I know exactly what to say, so I can give a great speech or easily talk to classmates about school related topics. Other than that, I find it hard, so that leads me to searching for a topic, which is generally just me talking about myself. I don’t want to appear really self-obsessed or a chatterbox, but I’m not sure if I can help it right now. I barely go out on the weekends, and majority of my friends have never been to my house.
October 5, 2012 at 9:40 pm
Uhhh I’m exactly the same, 18 and never even had a boyfriend because of this problem. And I don’t understand why either? Everyone is so out going and I’m just scared.
October 23, 2012 at 4:04 am
oh my god, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I’ll be turning 18 in a few months and still haven’t had a boyfriend for the same reasons. It sucks. I love how you said “Everyone is so outgoing and I’m just scared.” My friends at school are outgoing, normal, & comfortable in their skin…& then there’s me. I started senior year so good, I had a lot of time to work on myself & who I thought I was during the summer, I was pretty confident & happy. But then slowly things started changing…& now Im back to square one, though I feel more hopeless then before. *sigh*
October 30, 2012 at 10:25 pm
I know exactly that feeling too. Tho I’m 21….and really socially awkward…and I have never had a boyfriend either :/ And I’m realy scared too, I’m always scared that what if I say something stupid and then people will start to hate me? I don’t know how to start a conversation with strangers…and I just moved(to another country), and I only know my flatmate…..but I don’t want to be clingy with her(you know…always hang out with her etc…it would be awkward for her…and I dont want her to hate me).but I dont know what to do.
(
February 8, 2013 at 10:51 am
omg i can totally relate, i never go out on the weekends or hang out with my friends and the only time i really communicate with the two friends i have is if they call me or text me first. i always reply back and love to hear from them but i just never communicate first. i also always find myself complaining to my mom about being lonely and never having friends and become saddened or depressed, even to the point of crying. and i have had a boyfriend before but it didnt last very long, and any time i meet new guys its usually from the internet and its very hard for me to hold a decent conversation. theres a guy ive been talking to for about 2 months now and i still never know what to say its so awkward, luckily he is a sweetheart and still appreciates me. i really want a relationship because it sucks to be the only person who hasnt been in love or had a meaningful relationship. and with females i always feel like they are judging me so i never speak, the yhave to speak to me first, im also really insecure i could name a million things i dislike about myself before i could name things that i do like. i dream to be sociable lol
December 27, 2012 at 1:02 am
I see some of you are young women, but my 23 year old son is having some social issues described here… He feels awkward around people, even people he has known for a while. He doesn’t know what to talk about and feels very self-conscious, like everyone can see his distress. He has never had a girlfriend either, which I am surprises he just shared this with me, but did so during an emotional moment. He is a very intelligent and handsome man and I just want him to find his confidence. He is not shy with me at all, but he is my only child and I was a single-mom, so we have always had close-knit relationship. I plan on getting him to read this and watch the video – I was just doing some research on my own. Any thoughts?
August 30, 2012 at 7:09 am
This is very accurate. Im socially awkaward i highschool. I tend yo compare my self to others and as myself “how do they do it”? Honestly why did i have to be this? Its hard trying. Its scary and nerve recking. I need to surround myself more with ppl
January 29, 2013 at 8:00 pm
You are this way because you have a set of limiting beliefs about yourself (maybe you think at some level that you’re inferior to others, that you have to prove yourself, whatever) and quite possibly you lack significant social experience.
Both of which, you can fix. Have you checked out the video I mentioned in the article yet?
September 3, 2012 at 1:16 pm
i’m 27 but still awkward, people find me boring after several decent conversations. it’s like i’m too serious for them when i’m not. i run our of things to talk to and i don’t know how to make them laugh. this is affecting my work and people avoid me. don’t know what to do
September 4, 2012 at 12:17 am
i find social confidence to be a big issue not just because im introverted but i have high functioning autism, so social confidence isnt my strongestpoint. is there anyone who can help with this from an autistic perspective
please
September 5, 2012 at 8:43 pm
i find it hard to carry a conversation with anybody on the phone or my neighbor just never know what to talk about..I just get real nervous and think I make the other person feel all awkward too. I guess I worry about them judging me or something.. like im boring say weird stuff creepy. Wish I could just have a normal conversation without worrying about all that stuff how they perceive me.. Do people with social confidence not worry about all that stuff when they socialize. wish i new what that was like..
September 17, 2012 at 10:54 pm
i think it doesen’t matter if you are socially akward, some people find that interesting. maybe you feel like noone understands you but if you are nice and sincere person and respect others, people will like you. let others talk and you can come up with some subject easily. we are all different and unique.
January 29, 2013 at 8:03 pm
Wise point. Being awkward doesn’t make you unlikable. That’s crucial to realize. Being extremely shy on the other hand is something you need to handle if you want to enjoy meaningful relationships with others.
October 3, 2012 at 9:23 pm
I am a hairdresser therefore I do carry on conversations with my clients but outside of work is a whole different story if their is not specific topic to discuss I do not know what to talk about and most of the time I feel people looking over my head so I just stop talking or I feel like I’m waisting their time so I just don’t bother I get very jealous when I see social butterflies who seem to be able to start conversations with anyone even the wall if they wanted, and if someone talks over me forget it I’m done. I have described myself as a turtle who just tucks in their shell, I feel invisible and unnoticed. I always wanted to be that kid that all the other kids ran to when you got dropped off at school but here I am at 49 and still wondering if anyone even knows I exist, I’m afraid of planning events because no one will show up. Yikes I’m a mess.
October 4, 2012 at 8:07 pm
i’m shy and a socially awkward person. and i just came to an European country and i’m gonna live there for about 3 years and as i’m not a native English speaker and my English is kinda.. well, not up to their level, i find it incredibly awkward to mingle with them, and everytime i involve in a conversation with the locals, i just can’t think straight, mess up my grammars and pronounciation, and what’s more i just can’t project my voice like i used to when i’m talking to my friends who are of the same race as me. i just can’t find a way to overcome the inferior feelings, the anxiety that i have when talking to them. i also have a low self-confidence and this does not only happen when i’m with the locals but also with my friends. even my friends and relatives refer me as an introvert and a shy person and people will usually pity me and i really hate them and myself for that.
October 6, 2012 at 12:57 pm
It’s good to know there’s so many fellow socially akward people out there. We are not alone.
I appreciate this article. There’s hope out there.
October 18, 2012 at 6:48 am
Often times than not…social situations aren’t important. What’s important is you. Build an ark, not a tower. Yes, have strong connections with people. But just understand that it’s all based on your maturity level. If you’re immature and you’re socially awkward, there’s always hope. But if you’re an adult and you’re socially “awkward,” then it was probably because you didn’t find out why you were like that when you were younger. It’s hard to explain because i’m not socially awkward…but that’s the thing, the fact you think that being excepted will fix everything. Well it doesn’t. Find out for yourself, but you weren’t born socially awkward. You weren’t a socially awkward baby in the arms of your mother. Just…if you weren’t excepted..maybe you shouldn’t be excepted until you know why you weren’t.
October 23, 2012 at 1:04 am
I was socially awkward and what really drove me to improve and get over it was the uneasy and anxious feeling I always got when faced with a social situation. I just couldn’t let myself feel that way everyday and almost live in fear of talking to people.
October 29, 2012 at 10:32 pm
I am socially awkward but I can hide it successfully. I’ve seen people whom I think are not awkward socially but some of them end up going too low to succeed. I think everyone has some problem with this but some people hide it better than others. If someone is so socially confortable under every condition and circumstance, they are under the influence of some substance or they are just crazy. It is good to know we are many like this; I though I was alone.
December 7, 2012 at 10:27 pm
as I read this, it sounded like my biography. I actually googled: “help to be social” and found this page.
I will give anything to be out of this problem. To know how to make conversations and friends.
December 19, 2012 at 3:54 am
This short article is very helpful in catagorizing myself into the level. I have got same problem as well. Primarily having low self esteem as a result of low level of confident. I think this has leaded me being socially awkward person. I feel fear inside of me, and worthless as a result of not being able to talk.
This happens especially when I am in group of friends where the circulation of views are expected to be contributed by each member of the group, and I feel not having anything to talk but just lishen and smile. This kills me actually by giving very negetive thoughts, saying what is wrong with me, and they probably thinking of me etc. This leads me having depression. However I could make very engaging conversation if there is only one person.
I would be glad if anybody could provide some suggestion.
December 21, 2012 at 2:39 am
This describes me 100%. I know I am socially awkward. I even have problems holding a job because it’s not because I am not qualified or have no skills, people think I’m weird and different. I always joke around about it as a way to not take my self too seriously.
Today I went on a job interview and the owner called my employer for a reference. I found out because my current employer call med to let me know. They know i am leaving. I’ve been with my current job for a few years. The owner said to my manager that I as being socially awkward. She said to the owner that you are not going out on a date with him, you are hiring him to do a job. With that being said I got the offer same day. I don’t drink, smoke, murder people or rob banks. Think different be different!!
December 21, 2012 at 10:13 pm
I really don’t like going out that much, whenever i do, i’m just going to a pub with my best friends who are also shy/SA. My Problem is, that i just don’t like talking to people i don’t know, because the things my “nerd” friends and i are discussing could not possibly be interesting for “strangers”. So i really end up in a conversation that feels like it is never going to end. I am 6″, pretty muscular (gym) and told to be quite good looking. Though i really feel like i will never find a GF who is like me.
February 6, 2013 at 3:29 pm
There is your first problem: if all your friends are also shy/SA, it makes it harder to overcome this because you like positive role models to follow. You need to make some new friends.
As for the topics you discuss, I think you have a limiting belief there. I talk about the weirdest things you can imagine with others (superhero movies, sci-fi, computers, end of the world theories) and I rarely get negative reactions. People are not as closed minded and intolerant as you seem to think.
December 23, 2012 at 9:47 am
Reading the article, I was hoping I’d eventually stop at one of the traits listed, however I my eyes keep scrolling down the article hitting every point, painting my whole picture. The comments posted below helped cushion the self-embarrassment. But, let me tell you some things in which could play a contributing factors. Hearing-impairment plays a key role in miscommunication (as would any deficit or error in aiding miscommunication problems), intellectually intelligence is not always a positive gift to have since many emit ‘?’ marks floating above their heads when delving into theories or topics beyond their means of understanding (you feel like you are boring or weird as a result), segregation or seclusion inevitably deteriorates social skills as being alone often, your brain sees no logic in polishing them, the activities you place in substituting socializing soon encompass your time and shifts your attention otherwise… These are just some personal reasons that push me to the outside, looking in. Who knows. Perhaps I like it better out here.
December 23, 2012 at 7:46 pm
I’m 21 and incredibly socially awkward. I grew up with a stutter that I eventually grew out of in middle school, and I think a lot of my awkwardness stems from that. I had a pretty good and close group of friends from about 7th grade to 12th grade, but now that we’ve moved on to college they’ve sort of forgot about me. I’m a junior at my university and I can’t say I’ve made one good friend in two and a half years; it’s pretty pathetic. I’m always in my head when I’m in social situations of all kinds. Even though I don’t have a bad stutter anymore, I stumble over words every now and then, and I really beat myself up for it and withdrawal myself from conversation. For all the people in my situation, just know you aren’t alone.
December 31, 2012 at 9:54 am
So, even though I’m in my early teens, I’ve found this to be quite helpful. I can pretty much only start a conversation with ‘what’s up?” or a lame question about school which nobody wants to hear. And I never make plans with my friends unless someone else makes them or if we’re going to a concert. And the friends I don’t go to concerts with, I see them at school and I never make plans because I can’t think of what to do. Whenever I’m with a group of people I find that I’m the only one not talking and get really nervous because I don’t know what to say unless someone is talking directly to me. I think this is because three of my best friends last year stopped talking to me and hanging out with me on account of my being “awkward” and “not emotionally connecting with them much”. That hurt a lot but I got over it. Anyways, I’m always super careful making friends from now on and I’m paranoid about everything. This article has been helpful though and I’ll look over conversation topics and such
January 29, 2013 at 8:58 am
Hi Rebecca.
I’m 37 and the same thing happened to me when I was in high school. My friends just stopped talking to me. I’m just now learning to be more social.
Good luck.
January 5, 2013 at 7:19 pm
I believe that it is just normal to be afraid of interacting with people and not to know what to say in public. Those who recognize themselves in the description above are just… like everybody.
Let’s face it: interacting with people who are not close for hours takes a toll on anybody. Sure, some people may have more difficulties to interacts with people than others, but it is not “natural” to speak easily of anything with anybody. On the contrary, it is a skill that needs to be practiced from childhood. I believe that most of the people who think of themselves as being “shy” or “social awkward” are just people that did not practice this skill when young.
I may be wrong, but according to my experience, those who interact easily with others are those who have practiced this skills since childhood, because they came from privileged backgrounds, have gone to schools that emphasized this skill, had socially savvy parents, etc. while on the other hand, those who were shy tended to have opposite social backgrounds.
So, maybe those who tend to see themselves as being “socially awkward” should try to improve their social skills. But I think they should worry less about it and should rather work harder to improve their social position. When they will find better job and earn more money, they won’t have to suffer from other’s point of view.
Just my two cents.
January 11, 2013 at 12:54 am
I am a middle-aged female and I have always been extremely bashful/shy. As a youngster I was afraid to even answer the phone, and while I sort of understand your opinion for the most part, my thoughts tend to be that in order to “improve [ones] social skills,” one must first be comfortable socializing with other people, hence working on ones social skills/social awkwardness is a must.
I am in what one would consider a professional position employment wise, but fully believe due to my social awkwardness, I’m avoided by others in my field not for lack of knowledge or expertise, but because I don’t know how to reach out to converse in a social setting and thus project a very standofish demeanor. IT IS SO HARD TO STOP THIS behavior, and agree with you that it stems from my lack of a “social background” not a privileged background as you infer. My experience has shown that one donesn’t have to be privileged to possess social skills and grace. I have contemporaries that can talk an ear off, but came from the same background, so that argument doesn’t really hold muster.
My hope is that in my search for the “key,” I will indeed continue to grow, become more outgoing/sociable and in turn more approachable. Thanks for allowing me to respond.
January 9, 2013 at 3:04 pm
Well, after reading the article and everyone’s comments I am happy to know I’m not alone.
I’m 19. Male. Average looking. (Female friends say otherwise but I don’t see it) I believe this social awkwardness stemmed partially from me being raised as a single child by a single mom. As a child I never had a big group of friends, usually just one or two people I felt comfortable enough with. As I got older and started middle school I noticed how so many kids had large groups of friends they hung out with. I was invited to one of these groups by getting close to one of them. It didn’t turn out well… I stood there and didn’t speak a word. This is when I realized I had a problem.. I could never show new people my real personality or be myself. And also couldn’t seem to ever spark up conversations when in groups of people. It seemed like they would talk about people I didn’t know, places I never heard of, parties I was never invited to. It just sucked. As I got older I got a little less socially awkward. I’ve had many girlfriends and supportive friends that have given me much needed confidence boosts. Working also helped me deal with some of my issues due to dealing with customers. My biggest help was a communications class in college. They litterally put you into a terrifying situation of meeting new people and being forced into conversations with them.. it was horrible at first, but I believe it broke my social awkwardness. Of course, ill always be who I am, but I can hold conversations now and look people in the eyes. It’s an amazing change. If only I could work on being too much of an introvert now.. Haha. But I hope this helped some of you. Also, Surrounding yourself with others that are like you is not a good thing. It will keep you in your shell. Trust me. Just go out there and find your breaking point. Just give yourself the much needed push.
January 9, 2013 at 7:59 pm
53 here & have had this condition/affliction since youth – wanted to run away @ 12. Spent time w/psychiatrists/psychologists & some meds – best treatment I have found over the years is simply to grasp a trade/occupation & immerse ones self totally – in that manner, you will invariably gain respect as you become better & better @ what you do. Many famous people have faced similar life struggles, so do not feel as though you yourself are an anomoly.
January 10, 2013 at 2:09 am
It’s really odd how socially awkward people are; we all have a different eay of thinking. It’s like we all have something, but not like a disease. No, it’s a gift! We see the light of life in a different spectrum, and we should be proud! We are not weird. We are not socially awkward! We are Humans 2.0, pretty much, as it’s highly common for a genuine socially awkward person to be highly intelligent and have lots of ideas people put down as they’re ‘weird’ or ‘too complicated’, whem we could understand that with 20 more factors involved! This is why I think the Socially Awkward are in fact BETTER. We’re used to criticism; we won’t dish it out. We will enlighten. We will help. We will evolinto a greater good for Earth!
January 14, 2013 at 8:46 am
But if someone is in fact socailly awkward how do you expect them to branch out and meet new people and start new conversations? Shyness doesn’t allow someone to do that…
January 21, 2013 at 12:11 pm
I am socially awkward.:/ I don’t know about everyone else,but to me it is a curse! I an 21 and don’t have much friends. Everyone in my family can obviously tell but have yet to say it, Im just weird. I speak low sometimes and when asked to repeat myself I get nurvous, start to studder and turn red. It is hard to stare people in the eyes, and when I do I feel like it is for too long,iam fine with one or two people but more then that I start to shut down. I wish I could easily interact with our people. My real problem is I over think everything! Should I look at them?, what should I say?, will it be funny? Will I sound stupid? Will I look dumb?…. This is something I really need to get past. Any suggestions ? I’ve been wanting to talk to someone about it but I don’t know how to.
January 24, 2013 at 4:42 am
wow this really was spot on, I mean the evidences of social akwardness. I’m not totally anxious and nervous that I am wringing my hands all the time but I understand that people would tend to avoid sometimes because they do not feel as comfortable. I got over depression and I am standing strong and not slipping back into it by letting any lonesomeness get to me. I am always labeled as the quiet person (which is a compliment in some cases!) but it is frustrating at times. I just never know what to say and it is not social anxiety except for my own uncertainties about social situations. And I hate waiting to be picked up and things like that because you are just standing around with other people. I’m seeing a counselor just to help me with this and to learn and grow
January 24, 2013 at 4:14 pm
i feel very much like the description in the article. even if i have tried to get newfriendst hey usually dont follow through…. my failure have led me to totally avoid making new friends.when i go into a big new group i dont even consider that someone would like to talk to me its like it dosnt even exist imy world anymore, cause im so used to being ignored. im not ugly-id rather say beautiful ieven get the best looking guys at university and i have had a lot ofboyfriends, and im very intelligent aswell and ambitious but i cant get this socialbehiaviuospuzzle to work out… i feel kind of like fish in a bowl, when all the other fish are swimming in a big separated bowl having fun, and im staring at them fromy bowl… thinking: how do they do that?
January 29, 2013 at 7:56 pm
Wow, thanks for all your comments on this article. I’m glad it is helping you. So now you know you’re not alone, you know there are many socially awkward people out there, and you know that you can fix this.
It’s a matter of going out and socializing more, combined with actively improving your confidence and interpersonal skills using the right tools. I invite you to join my newsletter if you haven’t already, for more advice from me on this topic. Go to: http://www.socialconfidencesecrets.com
Eduard
January 30, 2013 at 2:34 am
I’ve suffered from huge social anxiety all my life. It caused me to bunk off school, which in turn ruined my exams, I’ve two friends, I’m 33 and really unhappy. I run my own business working long hours and have no social life. I’m on anti depressants as of two days ago and they are making me calmer. I worry about everything and pray this gets better
February 5, 2013 at 10:12 pm
I always had trouble keeping and making new relationships. I didn’t look people in the eye because I felt unconfortable, I only talked about subjects I was confortable with… and many times, I didn’t have a clue on how to start a conversations. When I was a kid, I was your typical “smart but weird” little girl. When I was a teen, my parents got divorced and I moved out of town, so it was a nightmare to adapt to my new school. Even now, 10 years later, I consider my classmates just like that, not friends. At the university, things got a little better, I still have a close group of friends (2 girls) and a bigger group of friends (around 10) around I occasionally hang on with (3-4 times a year).
About 2 years ago, I went to the psychiatrist because I was really depressed (had a bad fight with a really close friend). I even started taking fluoxetine without medical prescription. I got diagnosed with a mild form of Asperger Syndrome combined with Borderline Personality Dissorder. Basically, they taught me how to be a bit more confident, to not be afraid of looking people in the eye and how to start a conversation. Those kind of things may sound obvious, but they weren’t for me.
I’m beggining to have new friends, closer to my interests and I’m starting to get along better with my coworkers and boss. I don’t have a boyfriend but right now I don’t mind because I’m focused on my job. I don’t take pills anymore. So to all people reading this, go to the doctor, they can help you. Of course, I’m still a bit awkward (I still have trouble looking at people in the eye and sometimes I begin to talk nonstop about something I like) but I’m 90% better than two years ago.
February 15, 2013 at 7:34 pm
Helpful article. I hope many will see it. Being socially awkward leaves a huge stigma on people; and friends and family typically speak this over people. It functions like a word curse and can also become self-fulfilling. Thank you for the post.
February 20, 2013 at 2:54 am
Good point bro ,im a cronic shy guy , i knw this from childhood, now am in my early thirties .throughout my elementary school to d university i hv been strugglin with this problem ,i hv read so many books ,listin to some motivational speakers but to no avail, am jst lock up in my own world wich shyness is acepted as a normal thing .I know that it was lack of confident in myself ,but I don,t really knew to do avert it .the few girls that hv moved with were the one who made the move ,I never ask them out.
February 20, 2013 at 10:29 am
Thanks for this, I am an instructor and have no problem speak to a large group about a topic that I am pre-eminently familiar with. However, if I were to be in a social setting with the same group I can only speak to one person, quietly and as asides, never to the whole group, and when I do they all look at me like I have 3 heads. It would be nice to be able to be comfortable in social settings
February 22, 2013 at 10:49 am
Everybody I know describe me as open and sociable, even the life of the party. It’s all an act. I try to appear confident so that people don’t see the anxiety building up inside of me while in a social setting. I am tired of panicking inside of myself, while keeping up the charade. I want to be confident and upbeat because I actually feel that way, not pretending it. I avoid social events/visitors/phone calls etc as much as I can but when I can’t avoid it, the anxiety and fear build up in me and I try to rehearse in my head how to behave etc… When I am around my family, I am so open and love to joke and be myself, but I think that I am so afraid of not being accepted/liked for who I am with those outside of my family, that I put on my confidence rather than own it. I am so tired of pretending. I just don’t know how to stop.
February 24, 2013 at 4:27 am
this is all turning out good for me, all these post makes me feel better, I will work on improving myself to be a better person. shout out to everyone.
February 25, 2013 at 2:44 am
That’s a great attitude Cordon
Self-improvement is the way to go. It’s the most rewarding thing you’ll ever do. Did you join my newsletter as well?
February 27, 2013 at 8:00 am
I fit in all six categories. I imagined I would before I read them, I’m as socially awkward as they come and I have no clue why :/ I hate it so much. Everyone always thinks I’m the weird quiet guy. Which I am but I want to change that.
March 1, 2013 at 4:45 pm
Don’t feel bad about being socially awkward Josh. It’s not the end of the world. As you can see, there are many others like you. But, yes, at the same time definitely work on changing this. It will make your social life a whole life better and you’ll be a lot happier.
February 27, 2013 at 9:03 am
24, fem, employed: My biggest obstacle in life is bringing my awareness to the present moment. I’m obsessed with my awkwardness to the point I cannot focus on anything if there’s another being in the same room. I have better days than others, better conversations than others, but overall, I struggle with enjoying my own company…or others’ company. I struggle from dusk till dawn with self acceptance.
So far, meditation in the morning and evening has worked nicely. Spiritual meditation books are nice. Anything you enjoy that is self positive.
I also think accepting that the transformation is not going to be instant helps relieve some of those embarassing awkward interactions we create for ourselves. We gotta forgive ourselves that we can be awkward. Practicing brushing off awkwardness has helped me. I’m no expert yet, but little by little. I’ve also noticed that when I shut my trap and practice listening , I’m able to get in the present and not say awkward things….cus I can be really awkward.
Avoid alcohol if you find yourself getting wasted every damn weekend like I was. The less I drink the more I learn.
Also, I struggle with natural body language. Maybe tips!
March 1, 2013 at 7:23 pm
Well written article! All six signs are true to me, and you really know what’s going on with us kind of people :>
March 5, 2013 at 2:56 am
From personal experience, it takes perseverance. There is no magic bullet. Yes. There will be many more uncomfortable social situations in which you’ll still be the “weird” one. Deal with it. That is part of exercising your social stamina. However, with experience and perseverance, you will start to become the “normal” person you want to be. You need to become a little less self-centered and try to attend to the needs of others….ie: be more (genuinely) empathetic toward others instead of trying to “be accepted” by them. Then, and only then, will other people be more comfortable around you… and you they. Remember…..What is the shy person thinking of the most?….HIMSELF!
March 5, 2013 at 3:47 am
every single one of these apply to me. I get ridiculed a lot for being an ‘awkward’ person and although it isn’t mean harmfully it can really affect me, which results in me being even more awkward and panicked. It’s good to see others can also relate.
March 5, 2013 at 7:04 pm
This article will hopefully save my life now, because I, too, suffer with these issues like you all. Ive stopped caring about myself, physically and mentally..Although, I have an added pressure most of you may not understand, and it is that I have low intelliegnce, (Or maybe Im just brainwahsed ino believing that, because ppl have called me such all of my life!! and I HATE myself for that; am so ashamed..Now 35 y.o., and have been an emotional wreck and basket-case all throughout life..It only gets worse and worse..I have 3 daughters and I need to be strong..My extreme shyness and anxiety makes my life MISERABLE!! I used to be an alcoholic, but grew tired of it, however, I now pop an enormous amount of tylenol p.m.’s day-night to use as a sedative. (I dont have alot of money, so I use the cheapest method I know) I know liver failure will result here soon, if I dont stop..(Thats If Im not too late already) I think about my death constantly and how peaceful it sounds to be rid of this life that is exhausting for me..But I seriously need to turn my life around because I love my kids.
March 6, 2013 at 8:45 am
Agree with some points mentioned above.
Just adding a couple of things here:
I’m 40 years old. I’ve been hassled, made fun of, even had the term “Socially Awkward” written to describe me in a document dealing with my work. People made me feel like I was crazy and that I was wrong… constantly second guessing myself. Until…
I met other people who are interested in the same things I am, and in the same amounts that I am. No matter what you’re into there are loads of others out there who are into the same things. Once you get a conversation going with those people you will feel a gigantic weight lifted off of your shoulders. I can’t stress that enough. No matter what you are into and like to talk about… there are other people out there exactly like you and when you start talking with them it flows so naturally. Very relieving.
Xanax (in the proper dosage) works wonders also and is a “take as needed” prescription. Don’t believe the negative press, it’s a fantastic thing.
Make jokes. People love to laugh. Learn some jokes and slip them in when it’s relevant to the topic of conversation. Laughter is the best medicine.
Lastly, try to genuinely become interested in other human beings and their experiences and try to relate to them with something in your own experience. Learn to enjoy even the smallest connection you may have in a conversation, cultivate it for a few minutes and move on. Plugging away at different points of discussion until you hit one that the other person lights up or smiles to, and then cultivate that one. Repeat. Slip in a joke. Smile, laugh, repeat. Etc..
Most of all really… FIND OTHER PEOPLE THAT ENJOY THE SAME THINGS YOU DO AS MUCH AS YOU DO. I have some strange taste and interests but I’m just now at 40 finding that the world is a huge place and there are hoards of people who are exactly like me and we get along fantastically. Take a look a Meetup.com and you’ll see what I mean. There are groups there for just about anything. And if you’re a “weirdo” and you live in a tiny town in the country or suburbs… try visiting a major city and you’ll realize that you’re not “weird” at all. There’s just a certain mindset in smaller communities which can be afraid of anything that varies from the average/status quo in that community. You may only be anxious because you haven’t found the group that clicks for you yet.
Wish you all the best of luck, don’t give up and please do keep in mind that you have the right to be happy and you deserve it darn it!
March 6, 2013 at 4:18 pm
Eduard, Thank You for your kindness…. This was most helpful. I’m going to sign up for the newsletter and check out the video link. At almost 40, deep down I knew this was an issue for me but, it didn’t quite surface until recently. Namaste.
March 9, 2013 at 12:33 pm
I agree it is important to remember that some people are like you, and will ike you–and some just won’t. If you accept that, and just be yourself (without trying to act and communicate like everyone else) you will discover who really likes you and who doesn’t. That’s not a bad thing. I don’t mean you should go against all norms and be offensive etc. However, I cannot tell you how many times I have felt embarrassed and worried (after going home)abou taking the initiative, being talkative, showing an interest in people, being humorous with people—whereas later I hear from them they enjoyed the fact that I was like that. They thought I was very confident for being like that, and they wished they could be too! At the some time, some people just don’t like me—and that’s fine too. Some people just have a different style and don’t feel comfortable. My problem is I come home from a night out, and then brood and worry about what people thought. Am working on it.
March 11, 2013 at 11:16 am
All the things above said are exactly correct for me, each and every line.I think I have every kind of personality disorder. I’m always the center of ridicule. I can’t make friends and if I have, they always dominate,because of this I have been bullied by others in school as well as in family get together. Going school was like a battle, I was studious but because I was alone, the whole class started taunting me including my so called friends and it was like every day torture, eventually I gave up studies, somehow I completed my school but with very low marks, I can’t concentrate on studies. I did graduation reluctantly. I don’t want to go for further studies because of the fear, my disabilities. I left the job because of this and now I do not want to step out of the house.
March 14, 2013 at 7:01 am
I believe my husband is somewhat socially awkward. He falls into the first four categories fairly nicely, although I would not say it’s extreme for him. In fact, I don’t think most people pick up on it until he says something abruptly or makes jokes that no one gets or would get because they are inside jokes, so they sit there awkwardly. I know everyone says dumb things from time to time, but this is pretty consistent for him. I must say, he has gotten better in the years we’ve been together. He is an introvert but loves to be with people. He needs time to himself, but he feels empowered when I am with him since I am the outgoing one and can carry conversations and get to know people – which he loves, but feels like he can’t do on his own. (Which he can.)
I have found this to be exasperating at times when he seem to be self-conscious and when he says awkward things. It usually ends up being something that leaves me in an awkward postion. Or feeling embarrassed for him or for the other person. But i have found the people generally respond well to him because he is so likeable. Whether they pick up on his awkwardness and social discomfort (that i can see plainly, but I know him better than anyone), I don’t know. He tends to over-compensate with silliness and jokes to cover up his discomfort. So people tend to be at ease with him and laugh a lot. He is a very good person and genuinely loves others, although he can be a skeptic at the same time.
The man is a deep thinker. An analyst. An apologist. A theologian. He is in his element when discussing things he knows well with people who are already smooth in conversation. (He knows a lot, but won’t always chime in just because he knows about it.) But if it is someone that he wants to impress or someone he looks up to, his awkwardness is at its highest. Yet he wants to talk with them so tries. (Kudos to him.) And he can talk for hours when met with someone on his level. He is intelligent and talented. But I’ve seen how his talent for some things can be hidden because of his self-consciousness. Like music. Or writing. He is worried about what others will think of his deepest thoughts so he fumbles and it falls flat. But in his mind it should have been amazing. He has been put in the position to teach and he is wonderful once he warms up to it. I mean it. Really good.
I want to understanding him in this way. So often I want to say, “Just be yourself… Sometimes it’s better not to say anything…” etc etc). I want to help him. But I don’t want to point it out or make a big deal out of it for fear of making his self-consciousness worse. And I don’t want to crush his spirit. More than anything, he wants to be socially graceful and it be no big deal, you know? But he does know it. And he regularly tells me that he’s all good as long as I’m with him to reach out to others first.
Thanks for posting this. I am looking for ways to build him up and reduce his anxieties.
March 17, 2013 at 9:29 pm
I am a socially awkward person. By looking at this site i felt somewhat relieved that i’m not alone.I have a few friends but thank god they are friends for life.I always run out of word in conversation with people as if i don’t have matter to talk about. I don’ t get comfortable with new people. I’m 21. Never had a girlfriend. I don’t like to get out of home. Whenever i go in public people stare at me as if they had never seen someone like me. I feel so awkward.
March 22, 2013 at 4:38 pm
Yes, you are definitely not alone. That’s clear for me and I hope it’s for you as well. Then again, don’t turn this into an excuse for not trying to change. You are missing out on a lot by lacking in the area of people skills and confidence. And with even minor improvements, your life will change significantly for the better.
March 27, 2013 at 1:06 am
Hey my sister says I’m socially awkward I think I just don’t talk to people I feel like aren’t genuine with me or sometimes I feel like I have nothing in common with I’ve been though a lot of hardship and I have a good sense with people and I sometimes don’t feel like makin the effort but when I am with plp I like I make conversation I laugh I make joke I’m 22 and when I was in high school I had a large group of friends and very outgoing since then I had a daughter and I pick my friends wisely is that socialy awkward
March 30, 2013 at 11:18 pm
It’s weird to keep interaction with people, at least for me… I mean
a) i ve never had the will to get involved in the mostly irrelevant chit chat procedure, it seems worthles specially when im surounded by a subnormal majority.
b)the so called “social norms” are forever-changing in unsuspected ways..
for example at college, i can have friends with wich the talk can be about… the Marquis’ sodoma
and then within minutes talk to other people who get strongly offended by a joke about orgies =? and i’m like “it’s a fuck+ng joke, why are you taking it so seriously?”
on the other hand people get confused by me, i asked my mother… she says it may be that i’m super smart(chemistry,physics, math olympics) but funny
i once told my friends i was thinking on commiting suicide and they thought i was kidding (i wasnt)
=/ i’ve been in therapy (recently, i pay it myself since i was a child i wanted to, but everybody thought/think im “OK”)
April 3, 2013 at 10:44 pm
This describes me pretty well. The weird thing is I used to be able to start convos with random strangers and make people laugh, people used to love talking to me because I always had good conversation. Now I freeze up and get so stressed out I feel like Im literally having a headache. The only thing that has helped now is alcohol. I used to nail interviews like it was my job (no pun intended) but now I freak out and can barely talk. I called the lady at my last interview sir by accident but she still hired me luckily. It pisses me off when people call me shy because I was a confident person. Ive been putting counseling off because if I held a job as a night club promoter (where you constantly go up to strangers) I should be able to beat this on my own.Sorry for the ramble.
April 8, 2013 at 9:51 am
wow. This is completly me! I find it odd that I am okay looking yet im so socially awkward. People usually come up to me but even then i get a little nervous and dont know exactly what to say. I have only opened up to a handful of people and they loved my personality. i have always felt a little..well alot different from everyone else. i always felt like something was wrong with me. ive been in modeling since i was a little girl, and i have even been in pageants. I have noooo problem with being on stage as long as i dont have to speak! for the mosst part guys think its cute how awkward i am, but I would love more friends that are girls that i could open myself up to. i kind of push myself into social situations even though they usually end up awkward…but im trying!
April 18, 2013 at 1:10 am
Hi, im socialy akward as well,never had a boyfriend im 23 will be 24 years old,when people joke i don’t laugh so, they call me seriouse i don’t have any freinds,i don’t go out i stay home, the only person i talk to is my mother,i don’t know how to start conversation or end it.Guy try talking to me and i start to get anxeity and find the next exit.I isolate my self.i use self pleasure as a substitute. I was physically and emotionally abuse by my father.I was also picked on in school and other places coming up.I was also sexually harrassed by a guy who tried to sexually assault me but i didn’t happen because i fought him to the end, so now i get more anxeity toward any gut I see that try to socialize with me. What can i do to improve myself? and i take anger out on my mother because she’s the only one i feel comfortable with,it sound crazy but its true,i even tends to cling to my mom.I also suppress my emotions.
April 18, 2013 at 1:18 am
In the 6th line i ment it; I ment guy n the 7th line . Apologize
April 22, 2013 at 4:12 pm
My problem is ,Iam very tall and slim . Every time when I get into the social area everybody is only looking me and Iam feeling very shy .so that I can’t speak a sentence properly to anybody…
April 25, 2013 at 5:02 pm
Well, It seems like I am socially awkward, I realised it long time ago. And so? I’m not going to do anything with that – I lack the will, courage, motivation. I will spend rest of my days as lonley, cynical man.
God I hate myself.