“Why Do People Ignore Me?” The 4 Potential Explanations

As a social confidence coach, I work very often with men and women who feel as if they are invisible to others around them, and they ask themselves: Why do people ignore me?

Maybe in conversations others seem to pay no attention to them, maybe nobody talks to them at a social event but they seem to talk to almost everyone else, or maybe when people they know go out they never invite them.

If you’re in such a situation and you’re asking yourself “why do people ignore me?” I’d like to answer this question for you from my perspective. In my experience, there are 4 probable explanations. In some cases only one of them will be valid; in other cases a few or even all of them will be valid.

1. Your Presence Doesn’t Grab or Hold People’s Attention

The truth is that most folks don’t put a lot of deliberate effort in trying to pay attention to someone or something. They simply pay attention to whomever or whatever naturally grabs their focus.

The people who grab their focus are the ones who stand out and project themselves with confidence. These are the ones who speak in a firm, easy to hear voice in conversation, hold good eye contact, use clear, convinced gestures, and move with poise through a social setting. This makes them hard to ignore.

Conversely, people who get ignored most of the time have feeble body language, speak seldom and in a very soft voice, and they pretty much blend into the scenery. This is what makes them nearly invisible.

2. You Are a Stranger to Others

Here’s a scene you can witness often at a party: a guy walks up to a group of 3 other guys and shakes hands with all of them, but when he speaks, he seems to only look at two of them, while mostly ignoring the third.

At times, when he walks up to the group he will only shake hands with the first two guys and skips the third one entirely.

Why is he doing this? Because the third guy is a stranger to him. He knows the first two guys well, he spoke with them before, but he never talked with the third one, even though he may have seen him before.

And when we deal with strangers, we are often inclined to ignore them. It’s not polite, it’s not very social, but most of us only do what feels comfortable to us, which is why we ignore people we don’t know very well. And unless the other person makes an effort to be social with us, we never get to know them, which creates a self-sustaining cycle.

It is possible that in your social environment, you are a stranger to lots of people. And since they don’t know you and they barely know anything about you, their natural inclination will often be to ignore you. It’s your job to break this cycle.

3. You Seem Unfriendly

LonelyAnother likely explanation is that some of the people around you have tried to be social with you in the past, but your response was less than welcoming. Maybe you didn’t say much, you answered their questions mostly with two-word statements, and you didn’t appear to enjoy talking to them.

I know that this may have been because you were feeling nervous and didn’t know what to talk about, and you really wanted to be more outgoing, but the fact is you weren’t. And others falsely assumed it’s because you don’t like them. So, after a short while they stopped trying to be friendly with you and they started ignoring you.

Another reason why if you often feel nervous around new people, it’s crucial to get this issue handled. And you can do so, because anxiety and shyness can be eradicated by making some tweaks to the way your mind works.

Check out this presentation I created to learn how to do this. In it describe the tried and tested formula for gaining social confidence, so I’m sure you’ll find it very useful.

4. You Haven’t Found the Right People

Maybe some people have interacted with you in the past, you were talkative, they got to know you, and yet they still ignore you. What gives?

The last plausible explanation and answer to “Why do people ignore me?” is that many of the individuals you’ve met simply don’t match well with you in terms of values and interests. You’re not the kind of person they wanna be best friends with.

Don’t get me wrong: this doesn’t mean you’re not likeable, it just means you’re not their type. Which means they’re not really your type either. Maybe you’re the kind who wants to talk about career and world events, while all they care about is fast cars and what’s on TV. We have a clear mismatch.

What this means is simply that you haven’t found the right people for you. You need to meet new people, perhaps in other kinds of environments, get to know them and allow them to know you. In time, this process will bring in your life people you match well with and who simply won’t resist from talking to you and paying attention to you.

Now you know why people ignore you. It’s one or more of these 4 explanations above.

The best news is that all of these are issues you can fix or circumvent. You don’t have to be lonely and have no friends. You don’t have to be ignored by others. You can change all of this.

If you haven’t already, I invite you to join my free social confidence newsletter, where I share weekly advice and techniques to help you achieve this. It’s the top resource you can find for enhancing your social confidence, skills and life.

Good luck and I hope to see you in the newsletter as well!

Image courtesy of Saint Huck

Comments

  1. i always wonder whats wrong with me and finally got the answer for that so thank you

  2. Elizabeth says:

    Thank you so much. I have always been ignored by my friends and I’ve always wondered why. It helps so much that I can hear someone else’s perspective, so I can help improve myself. Again, thanks!

  3. Some people are just assholes! People do it on facebook all the time because they are behind a screen and can indirectly make some feel like shit, they do it on purpose. Woman do it to woman they are jealous of! This article doesn’t go to other reason!

    • I know this is an old post buy I had to chime in. Your absolutely right Melissa. Girls ignore girls that are prettier than them and are often times rude making conversation with the girls they are speaking with and talking about the girl that’s being intentionally left out. It’s something that is a HUGE problem in our society nowadays. I am 32 yrs old and I have not one girlfriend I have never been able to make Friends easy and definitely not with other girls as the jealously factor is always at play. I am stared at and commented about by other women all the time but it’s rude, catty, snotty comments and remarks due to jealousy. I will say it’s a very lonely place to be. I am a very nice person and probably too passive which has made it easy for people to walk on me. I always try to make Friends but still at my age cannot. The girls always get jealous and it ruins and friendship we could of had. I’ve Noticed That Other Females Get Even Worse If their Husbands Are around. But the worst time is groups of other women at my daughters school…I dread going to pick my daughter up and always wait in my car until I see the kids have been let out to avoid the groups of other women that stand at the front doors talking. I’m never included, I’ve never been talked to by any of them yet when I walk up they all go silent then the whispers and stares start in…it hurts my feelings tremendously and it’s again a very lonely place to be. I am pretty yes, but I’m not conceded and I’m a nice person if these women would give me a chance. But based on my looks I’m automatically outed and excluded. It’s a form of discrimination that’s not brought up and out often enough in today’s society. Yet I know there’s tons of other women that go through the exact same format of “discrimination” that I have encountered my entire life.

  4. I know I’m introverted but always make an effort not to come of as standoffish or rude but I always feel like I’m invisible when in a gathering of more than three. I feel like I could say anything like “I just killed my family” or something equally ridiculous and still get no reply. I am at that age now where I don’t care about other people’s opinions and don’t really want to impress people just to get them to talk. I have noticed that most gregarious people are insincere and seem to be wearing a mask. I now subtly people-watch at parties and I feel as though I can see through the disguise people wear.

  5. So the funny thing is, I’ve always been quiet and introverted, but people were drawn to me nonetheless. Now, people avoid talking to me or just blatantly ignore me, both online and in real life. Like, people that I considered my friends will just not respond to messages. What the fuck is going on? Maybe depression has eaten up my soul to the point where I’m an empty shell that no one wants to talk to? I believe I’m a relatively kind and sincere person, so what is happening?

    • I don’t know…and I feel like I’m going through much of the same situation myself. I’ve always had a good group of friends and quite a lot of people I could talk to as I walk through school. But I’ve always been on the shy side, although I’m pretty good at holding a conversation (not necessarily starting one). But suddenly, I feel like I’m invisible even though I’m much the same person as I was before. It could just be because of the circumstances and the people. Hopefully, we both find the right matches for us and find some real life-long friends

  6. I feel the same. I’m not dumb or anything. I’m just really oppressed and want out. I think people ignore me because I’m always planning on how to get ahead instead of having fun. I don’t care anymore though. They can do whaever they want. I might be depressed but at least I’m trying to get somewhere with my life.

  7. I’m always ignored in company. When collegues meet they always talk to each other, not with me. If I give it a try I get a little response but it’s never natural. No, I won’t try anymore. I just care for my family my kids and just get through life. No energy to be social. It didn’t work for forty years. It’s too late.

  8. Charlotta Yvonne smith says:

    I feel that even when I try to relate and talk, they ignore me. The sad thing is that one of those people happen to be my sister who thinks that’s okay. It’s sad how disrespectful people have become.

    • My sister does the same thing. She will often just walk away from me when I’m still talking to her or she will interrupt me to talk to someone else. If I confront her about it she gets mad at me and denies it. I, honestly, don’t have a person in my life who doesn’t ignore me of brush off what I say as unimportant. I started crying one day because I was having a really bad day and my mom’s reply was “don’t even start that”. That hurt me a lot but she didn’t care.

  9. I think it’s number 4 that answered my question thought it is very strange that I was in a BIG group of friends who I was always sweet with, I had always been sweet to them and never did anything wrong , but all of a sudden they completely ignored me and avoided me. In facebook I always do my whole bloody efforts to entertain them with my talent, but they ignore it. I don’t have a physical or mental problem either. I tried to ask and stay in touch but they don’t tell me any answers they just act strange and distant. Now I don’t care I am busy creatinng my own life of success that I need to accomplish since I haven’t accomplished anything after college and find friends who will support me the way I support them, who will never treat me like some GHOST.

  10. It’s saddening when the people you truly care for ignore you. I honestly don’t know the reason why, but a friend of mine just… well, ignored me. I tried to extend my hand but to no avail. New motto: shut down systems that aren’t productive anymore.

  11. People ignore me or act like they want something because I have it when I’m happy. Usually I dont have anything but they think Im happy. And they pick up on this and irritate me because of it. If I project myself with confidence I get lots of unwanted attention if any people don’t say hello to me and want to get to know me they start talking about me instead. When I feel like I need people I seem to attract them when I am around the people at place who will talk to me. Usually people sympathize with me or talk about every day stuff that I dont give a damn about or they don’t want to include me in their activity and if I am invited its just cause they can have another person. Positivity helps in getting the right attention from the right people at times.

  12. I’m sad that people I want to talk to and care for seem to ignore me…I’m always first to take the initiative to write or call them, they won’t even respond me…Maybe I should cut the ties off from them…

  13. I’ve been struggling with this problem my whole life. I have Social Anxiety Disorder.
    And I have been ignored by people I know, and from people I don’t know.

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