November 4, 2010

Handling a Stupid Boss

Due to a combination of bad decision making and too much trust in people’s potential, teams and organizations often end up with a stupid boss in charge. It’s not uncommon for them to exist even in reputable corporations, which take pride in the quality of their management.

A stupid boss is a person in a managerial position who does not have the level of intelligence required to do their job well. They have trouble understanding intricate realities, they can’t follow complex logic with more than two variables involved, and they simply don’t get it.

Handling a stupid boos takes, in my view, a special set of people skills. It also requires using intelligence to combat unintelligence. Here are the most important ways to handle a stupid boss.

1. Intimidate them with your intelligence

If you prove a stupid boss that you’re simply smarter than they are, they will often feel a bit threatened and try to sabotage you. However, if you prove them that you’re a lot more intelligent than they are, than they will be really afraid to mess with you. Who knows what you can do to them and their comfortable managerial position?

Do not hesitate to use various opportunities and prove a stupid boss that you are so smart you’re out of their league. Use big words and intricate reasoning when talking with them, and act like this is the standard for you.

2. Do it your way, and then explain yourself using complex logic

The big problem with a stupid boss is that they’ll often make stupid decisions and then ask you to implement them. When this happens, say you’ll do things according to their decision, and then do them according to yours.

When your boss asks you why you’ve disobeyed them, explain yourself using words and logic that are above them. Say something like: “I was backtracking my steps on the CRM process and I realized a divergent approach with this report would emphasize the project’s collateral benefits in terms of ROI.”

Then watch them stare blankly at you. They have no idea what you said, but they don’t want to look stupid either, so they won’t acknowledge this. Vanity is common in stupid people. They’ll probably just say: “Aaa, OK. Well next time, do things like I tell you to”. Agree, then next time repeat the same process.

3. Appeal to their emotions

Since a stupid boss is not able to follow complex logic, it is often best to push their emotional buttons in order to influence their decisions. When you propose them the implementation of a certain project, don’t bother to try and persuade them with arguments.

Instead, tell them something like this: “I went to talk to Tim (your boss’s boss) about this project and he thinks it’s a great idea.” If it’s important for your boss to please Tim, that’s all you’ll need to convince them.

4. Use simple logic, simple words

If you truly feel the need to convince a stupid boss using logic, facts and arguments, then strip them to their bare essentials before using them. It’s a reflection of malleability and good people skills. Imagine you’re talking with a caveman who is not familiar with big words and advanced logic: “This… line; this… circle”.

Simplicity is king when trying to persuade a stupid boss. Try anything above that and you’ll lose them. Then all you’ll hear from them is: “I don’t find your arguments compelling enough” (translation: “I have no clue what you’re talking about”).

Last but not least, keep in mind that no matter how good your people skills for dealing with a stupid boss are, it’s always better to deal with a smart one instead. So if you often find yourself needing to trick your boss using your superior brainpower in order to get your way, maybe it’s time to look for another job.

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Filed Under: Career, People Skills, Relationships Tagged With: , , 10 Comments
November 1, 2010

Autonomy, Mastery, Purpose: Motivating Employees without Money

As a communication coach, I often work with people who lack motivation in their current job and they seek the people skills to make and effective career change. This is how I’ve learned there are a lot of de-motivated employees out there and a lot of companies which pay a huge cost for this.

Motivation and Money

We are typically taught to believe that money is the perfect motivator, to which all people react very well, every time. If you want an employee to work harder and to be more productive, give them more money for their good work.

Well, reality is not that simple. As modern research in psychology, sociology and economics clearly points out, money can only motivate employees up to a certain point. Beyond that point, we need to consider motivating employees without money, using other incentives.

This doesn’t mean that you can pay an employee a crappy salary and still have them motivated. Some employers need to understand this as well: a decent salary is a hygiene factor.

However, once an employee has a good salary, you often won’t be able to motivate them further with more money. This applies especially in complex, non-linear jobs.

I think Daniel Pink, the author of the book “Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us” puts it nicely in this video, when he says (4:55): “The best use of money as a motivator is to pay people enough to take the issue of money off the table”. After you do that as an employer, the next step is mastering motivating employees without money.

Autonomy, Mastery, Purpose: The 3 Keys

There are 3 essential non-financial incentives which modern research consistently points out to work best. Daniel Pink also talks a lot about them.

  1. Autonomy. People want the freedom to work how they like, to set their own rules and conditions. They have the need to direct their own lives and their own work. This is why micro-managing employees is a bad idea.
  2. Mastery. People want to improve their skills, they want to continuously learn and get better at what they do. I’ve seen this many times as a coach: when a person feels they’re no loner growing, it’s the beginning of the end for their present job.
  3. Purpose. People want to contribute to something bigger than themselves. They want to feel their life/ work is meaningful and it serves a higher purpose, aligned with their highest values.

When employees have autonomy, mastery and purpose, extraordinary things happen, both for them and the organization. They are happy with their jobs, they are engaged and they deliver peak performance.

Going Beyond Talk

Autonomy, mastery, purpose – these are some shinny words. In practice, creating a work environment around these three non-financial motivators is not easy. It takes creativity, commitment and overcoming all sorts of obstacles.

I will often have a talk with a manager about people skills and using these motivators with their team, and I will hear an objection such as: “I would have to restructure the department to create purpose for my team. I can’t do that! That’s the HR’s job.”

No, it’s the manager’s job! I firmly believe that a good manager goes the extra mile to motivate their team, to help create autonomy, mastery, purpose. If the HR is in charge of restructuring a department, go talk to the HR and do all that you can to get their aid in motivating employees without money.

Many managers need to realize the real degree of influence they can achieve in a company, if they have the confidence, the people skills and the drive to really support their team. In my view, that’s what being a manger is all about.

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Filed Under: Career, Psychology, Success Tagged With: , , , , , , 9 Comments
October 27, 2010

The Worst Job in the World and the Way Out

One of the things I like about coaching is that it creates insights not only for the client, but also for the coach. I recently had a mind blasting insight during a communication coaching session about what is truly the worst job in the world.

It’s not pool cleaner or pig farmer. It’s rather a type of job than a job, which impairs people’s lives in a very cruel way and they often have no idea what’s going on. The worst job in the world, as I see things, is a warm job.

What Is a Warm Job?

You know: it’s not hot, it’s not cold – it’s warm. You may like the company and get along well with your colleagues, but you find the job kind of boring and it’s not really what you want to do. You don’t love it enough to say you have an awesome career but you don’t hate it enough to quit it.

There is a huuuge practical problem with a warm job, because a warm job keeps you stuck. If you truly hate your job, you desperately try to find a better one. I’m not a big fan of negative motivation, but I have seen cases where it helped people move forward to much better jobs.

However, if you have a job which is kind of OK but not really what you want, you will tend to stick with it for a long, long time. The worst job in the world is in my view a job that keeps you in your comfort zone without being highly rewarding, and this is exactly what a warm job does.

I know people who for the past 5-7 years or more, every time I meet, they tell me they would like a better job, as their present one is OK but it’s not exactly their dream job. Nevertheless, they are still in that same job. It is a warm job and it makes these people waste many years.

Escaping From a Warm Job

Because of the odd emotional dynamics it creates, a warm job is probably the hardest to get out of. This is precisely why I say it’s the worst job in the world. However, there are ways to motivate yourself and get out of it.

Working with people to help them improve their people skills and make meaningful career changes, I discovered 3 action steps work best:

1) Have a clear vision of what you want. Know your values, your motivations and your passions very well. This way, you will be fully aware when you are not in your ideal job, instead of just having a vague impression that you’re not.

2) Set big, bold career goals for yourself. You won’t get the motivation to leave a warm job until you make a firm decision to aim for the best job possible for you, to be all that you can be in your career. Big, shinny goals are a prerequisite for good motivation.

3) Set small action steps. I believe this is the most important part and what will truly get you out of a warm job. Small, step by step action steps create that continuous drive to keep moving forward. Set them daily and act on them.

For example, you may aim to spend 30 minutes each day looking for a new job on the Internet, and 2 hours each week networking with people who may be able to help you find a better job.

If you look purely at short term benefits, a warm job is certainly not the worst job in the world. However, if you look at things in perspective, a warm job is one hell of a way to sell yourself short. It’s important to keep improving (not only in terms of people skills) and keep moving.

Image courtesy of Steve Kay

Filed Under: Career, Inspirational, Lifestyle Tagged With: , , , 10 Comments
October 11, 2010

How to Ask For a Raise at Work

I get a lot of questions on how to ask for a raise at work. This, I believe, is a good thing. People want the people skills and tools to make the best of life in general, and getting more money for their work is one particular manifestation of this.

There is plenty to be said on using people skills to get a raise at work. I almost did a whole day training once on how to ask for a raise at work. However, at this point, four important points come to mind as the key people skills tools to apply when asking for a raise. Here they are:

1. Schedule a special discussion just for this

You don’t want to just drop a hint that you would like to make more money while chitchatting with your manager in the elevator. Subtle hints like that are easy to ignore by an employer, especially those hints that suggest taking more money out of their pocket.

Instead, what you want to do is tell your manager you want to schedule a 30 min. private meeting with them, for an “important discussion” (yeas, the discussion can take that long). Preferably, don’t go into all the details of the discussion right then. Focus on scheduling it and leave the rest for the actual moment when it takes place.

2. Back up your request with solid arguments

The way I see it, a good request for a raise starts like this:

  • You thank your manager for the time they’re giving you;
  • You tell them the discussion concerns a potential salary raise;
  • You present the arguments for a raise;
  • You state the exact raise you want.

From there, a negotiation will frequently take place.

The most important step in this first phase is the third one: presenting the arguments. You want to back up your raise request with solid facts. You want to prove that your value for this organization has increased, present real results and indicators of performance. Your value for the organization is in my view, the only real justification for a raise.

3. Ask for more than you think you deserve

Once you decide how big you want your raise to be, set a slightly higher raise that you will ask for. I know that you may have the opposite impulse, to sell yourself short, but it is important to push yourself and ask for more, not less.

I say this is important for two reasons. The first reason is that you may get more than you actually deserve simply because you’ve asked for it and done so in a way demonstrating confidence and good people skills. The second reason is that it leaves significant room for negotiation.

4. Don’t let excuses get in the way of your raise

Many employees will present objections for a raise which have nothing to do with fairness and equity, but with more emotional factors. I call this making excuses. Practice distinguishing excuses from solid objections and do not let excuses make you abandon a raise request.

For example, many employees will bring this excuse: “If we give you a raise, your colleagues who will have lower salaries will want one as well”. The fact is, this is not your concern. If you deserve a raise, you should get one no matter how your colleagues will react.

Ultimately, I see getting salary raises as a natural part of work and a result of increasing the value you provide. It’s best not only to know how to ask for a raise, but also to realize you are entitled to it.

I have seen many times as a communication coach how with good people skills and a big dose of confidence, you can create incredible salary increases for yourself.

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Filed Under: Career, People Skills, Success Tagged With: , , , 2 Comments
October 1, 2010

Email Etiquette at Work

Email is a form of business communication significantly different than any other form invented before. It’s not as fast as phone communication but it’s not as laborious as fax, it has a unique combination of communication features.

For this reason, we sometimes find it hard to discover and use the right email etiquette at work. I believe this is a highly relevant people skills topic particularly because we are becoming more reliant on email in the workplace. Thus, good email etiquette at work significantly improves our overall results.

With this is mind, here are 9 essential rules of email etiquette at work which I encourage you to put into practice.

1. Reply in a timely manner. My basic rule about email reply speed is the following: reply to any email in less than 48 hours and ideally, in less than 24 hours (weekends do not count). This kind of email expediency will be greatly appreciated by colleagues, clients and collaborators.

2. Use an auto-responder. When you’re away from the office for more than 2 days, with the exception of weekends, set an auto-responder to automatically reply to all emails, letting people know you are away and you have limited or no access to email (if this is the case). Also, leave them your phone number or the email of another colleague for emergencies.

3. Only add people in Cc if necessary. Just because someone added another person in the Cc field when sending you an email doesn’t mean you have to keep including that person in the discussion. Before putting a person’s email in Cc, ask yourself if that person really needs to get that email.

4. Do not ask confirmations for every email. There is this function which requests an email receiver to send a receipt that confirms they’ve read the email. Do use it with very important email you send, to make sure it has been read, but do not use it with all your email. It’s pointless and it will quickly annoy people.

5. Do not spam people. I do not want to receive on my work email address jokes, requests for donations, motivational stories, satirical Power Points or other such crap. Unless I want to avoid working, such emails are only clogging my Inbox. I don’t care about those things at work! Keep them for my private email address.

6. Put your name in the signature. This may seem obvious. However, you would be surprised how many emails I receive from addresses type “office@…” and no one has signed the email. So initially, I have no idea who I’m talking with and I get the feeling I’m talking with a machine rather than a real person.

7. Spell check your email. You don’t have to be a perfectionist about this; after all it’s just an email, not a resume. However, after you write an email, do read it once head to bottom before clicking the Send Button.

8. Keep it focused on business. Work emails are not for office gossip or sharing your entire life story with others. It’s OK to communicate in a human, authentic way using email at work, it’s not OK to fill an email with useless details which make the relevant business information hard to find.

9. End emails in a friendly way. Do use ending formulas such as “Best wishes” or “Have a great day”. Even if you use the same formula with everyone and it’s more of a reflex, it will still help. People like it when an email ends in a warm and positive way, wishing them things like the ones above.

In my view, email etiquette at work is definitely an evolving topic. As technology evolves, so does email and so do the rules of email etiquette at work. It is up to you to always use your head, keep your people skills in general sharp and seek to make the best use of email communication in the workplace.

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Filed Under: Career, People Skills Tagged With: , , 17 Comments
September 27, 2010

Quitting a Job with Style

I’ll tell you one thing many people seriously consider after working with me in a communication coaching program: quitting their job. I usually couldn’t be happier about this, as I believe that quitting a job is a natural part of career progress, which we often postpone unnecessarily.

Most people tend to find quitting a job as a delicate subject. They see all sorts of risks involved and they wanna do it right.

I think it’s a challenge to give generally applicable advice for quitting a job, as the context can vary a lot: some people quite a job because they absolutely hate it and they run like the wind, other people quit a job even though they love it, because an even better opportunity arisen.

However, I can think of 3 people skills principles which apply in most cases when quitting a job. They focus not only on doing it right, but on doing it with style. Here they are:

1. Don’t say you’re quitting your job at first

Many people are quitting their job for only slightly improved conditions, such as a slightly bigger salary or slightly more important responsibilities.

Often, if your employer knows about these extra benefits you want to leave for and values you as an employee, they will make you a counter-offer which you might want to consider. I have many examples of this happening and the employee deciding to stay after all, with improved working conditions.

This is why I believe in these cases, it’s best to not tell your employer directly that you’re leaving. Instead, tell him at first that you’re considering leaving and mention the extra benefits which are motivating you to do this.

Then, mention that you would like to stay with them if they make you a good counter-offer. Only if they do not, you can decide and announce firmly that you’re quitting your job.

2. Phrase it in the positive

One manifestation of good people skills I find highly valuable is talking about improvements rather than about solving problems. This technique works especially well when announcing that you’re quitting a job.

Preferably, don’t say: “I don’t like this job and I want to get the hell out of here”. Instead, say “I’m interested in a job which is closer to my passion and I think I have the best chances of finding one somewhere else”.

The main point is to talk about the improvements you aim to achieve through another job, rather than the problems you aim to get away from. This gets the best possible reactions from others and allows you to leave an employer without senselessly breaking the relationship.

3. Throw a farewell party

I bet you didn’t expect this one, did you?

Many times, people will quit a job although they get along well with most of their colleagues. Their reasons for quitting have to do with something else. So it makes sense to say goodbye to your colleagues in a fun, memorable way which communicates how much you appreciate them.

I call this a P-A-R-T-Y! You don’t have to through a big party and invite all the company. A small office, house, pub or club party with your dearest colleagues will do.

By the way: when I see ‘colleagues’ I’m including here your manager, clients, and collaborators – anyone you respect and have worked well with. Believe it or not, a farewell party when quitting a job can be a very good business networking and relationship building tool.

I believe it does make sense to try ending a work relationship on a positive note and good people skills will help you achieve this. At the same time, I think the best mental frame to have is that quitting a job is not a big deal.

With this mind frame, you can make quitting a job a simple, constructive and even enjoyable experience. Who knows, you might even make a hobby out of it…

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Filed Under: Career, Communication Skills, People Skills Tagged With: , , 12 Comments
August 31, 2010

The Corporate Person’s Guide to Loosening Up

In my experience, there are a lot of stiff people in the corporate world. Their manner is so formal, their words are so contrived that they often give the impression of robots made on the same production line, having no people skills.

Whenever I find myself interacting with such a person, I have a somewhat hard time feeling relaxed and trusting them. And I find that most people feel the same way. Their conduct seems so fake and insecure that it’s hard to feel otherwise.

A Good Idea Gone Insane

Ask a corporate person about their manner which appears stiff to you and they will often tell you it is a business and professional manner: “This is how corporate people behave”. While there is some truth in this, I believe the formal corporate conduct has gone way beyond reflecting professionalism.

Dig a little dipper and you will discover a conduct which prevents people from enjoying their interactions and working well together. It is a conduct rooted in:

  • A false image of professionalism and the professional image;
  • A tendency to blindly follow traditions and conventions;
  • A fear of being authentic in business interactions;
  • Giving too much significance to clients, colleagues, bosses and their opinions.

My Top Ideas for Loosening Up

I think that loosening up as a corporate person is something anyone can benefit from and an excellent way to improve your business people skills. Here are my top ideas on how to loosen up:

1. Don’t wear a formal suit all the time. Nobody likes to wear a formal suit all the time. Not even James Bond. And the fact that official company policy may demand you wear a full-piece suit all the time is not a good excuse in my view. This is one policy you can bend. Try dressing in a way which still reflects professionalism, but is less formal.

2. Relax your body. Many corporate people I know have this really stiff posture and body language, which they force on themselves. A corporation is not the same as the army. It’s OK to relax your body and even slouch a bit, and you can do this while still marinating dignity in your posture.

3. Do joke once in a while. Some corporate people hardly make a joke in a business meeting or in a discussion with a client. They take their work and their professional image that seriously. Learn to have fun while interacting with others in the business environment and joke about things once in a while.

4. Do talk about other things besides business. It’s OK to be focused on results; it’s not OK to do so without adding a human side to your interactions. Make personal conversation with your clients and your colleagues; get to know each other as human beings. It is this human component which often strengthens the business side.

5. Avoid using clichés. The signature trait of a stiff corporate person is the fact they talk in clichés. They are so afraid to say the wrong thing and be improper that they end up only saying the old, over-repeated and predictable things which add no real value. Avoid this and speak your unique truth.

6. Do work you love. The more work you do which you are passionate about, the more you become passionate in your general conduct. The fact you enjoy what you do gives you more positive energy and more confidence to express yourself as you are. The most relaxed people I know are those who don’t care and those who are very fulfilled.

If you happen to be a somewhat tense and stiff person in your manner at work, I can tell you now that changing your ways and improving your people skills in this area will take a degree of persistence. However, you will see it happen.

As a final thought, consider this: you will be spending about 1/3 of your life working. Don’t you wanna express yourself and have some fun with it in all this time?

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Filed Under: Attitude, Career, Communication Skills Tagged With: , , , 8 Comments
July 1, 2010

How Often Should You Check Your Email?

Depending on how you use it, email communication can be a way to interact effectively with people and make your work more efficient, or a major source for decreased productivity, stress and an early ulcer. Unfortunately, for many, it’s the latter.

As a communication coach, I am often asked be people looking to improve their business communication skills: “How many times should I check my work email each day?” Then they look at me with astonishment as I reply that twice every day is usually the optimum in my perspective.

The optimum email checking. First of all, I want to detail this answer:

  • If you have a job which requires a lot of email communication, but also a lot of other activities, checking your email twice each day is optimal.
  • If you have one of those jobs which require just a little email communication, once every day is enough.
  • If you have a job in which all/ the vast majority of your activity is reading and answering emails, checking your email 4-5 times every day may be optimal.

Most white collar workers are in this first category and checking their email twice every day is enough for them. Based on what their job is, very few workers actually need to check it 4-5 times every day.

Productivity down the drain. Despite of this, a lot of people tend to check their email constantly throughout the work day. They either open their Inbox every 30-60 minutes, or they open it every time they get a new email alert on their computer screen.

I cannot emphasize enough how unproductive this is. Checking your email this often means that you constantly interrupt various tasks. You defocus and refocus many times throughout the day, which is very hard and mentally exhausting. Then you get home and start complaining: “Man, my work is stressful! That company is working me like a mule!”

Email terrorism. Many people say they check their email so often because they are expected to give fast answers to the emails they receive. There is pressure on them from internal and external clients for expedient email communication.

But you see, that’s the problem! Email communication, through its nature, is not a fast communication method. Email is text-based, asynchronous, preplanned communication, and it’s supposed to take some time. The vast majority of expectations for fast email communication are unreasonable and the best thing you can do is to not put up with them.

Sure, you might think something terrible will happen if you do this. Trust me: I have seen plenty of people do it and they didn’t get fired, nothing really bad happened, while their skills to get things done and their productivity increased visibly.

My job involves a lot of email communication. But it also involves coaching, meetings, and writing articles on people skills, tasks which would constantly get interrupted if I would check my email 4-5 times every day. I used to do that at one point. Now, I only check it twice: once in the first part of the day, once in the second. And it’s great!

The phone alternative. If some people expect rapid reactions from you, guess what? That’s what phone communication is for. They can call you on the phone when they need a fast answer from you.

Make sure the people you interact with in your professional life understand your email and phone policies, that you only check your email twice every day, that you use your phone for emergencies, and you will see both some effective work and effective communication happening.

Filed Under: Career, People Skills Tagged With: , , , 21 Comments
June 9, 2010

How to Give the Really Negative Feedback to the People Who Really Can’t Take It

One thing I find interesting about the people who have the biggest flaws is that very often they’re also the ones who have the hardest time seeing them and accepting them. If a person is a real pain in the ass, she probably sees herself as a really cool person, with awesome people skills, who everybody loves.

This is the result of a combination of things:

  • A big ego;
  • An even bigger lack of self-awareness;
  • The facts that let’s face it, it’s hard to accept that you have some major flaws.

As a result, giving feedback to these people about their flaws (meaning really negative feedback) will usually leave you wondering what did you open your damned mouth in the first place. I am proud to have a pretty good success rate in giving really negative feedback to the people who really can’t take it, and getting through to them (and by ‘pretty good’ I mean about 50%).

Here are some of the ideas which create the best results specifically with these kinds of people, when you give them really negative feedback:

1. Catch them when they’re questioning themselves. Even the most arrogant and blind person has moments when she’s wondering if it’s possible that she did something wrong, that it’s her fault. When the manager with terrible people skills will lose his 5th employee that month, chances are that at least for a couple of minutes, he’s questioning his people skills as a manager. It’s the best opportunity to deliver the negative feedback.

2. Earn their trust. When a person knows that you mean to help her and that your judgment is sound, even if she usually can’t take negative feedback, she will become a lot more open to yours. I sometimes give pretty brutal feedback in my coaching to people who otherwise don’t take it well. And because I have earned their trust as a coach, they take my feedback well. Find your own ways to earn their trust, and use them.

3. Give it in thin slices. Don’t use one opportunity to tell a person like this about all her flaws, which could be quite a few. It works with some, but more often than not, it just seems like you’re set on butchering her and this is why her defenses will go up. My recommendation is that you point out one flaw in one feedback.

4. Back it up with hard evidence. It will be tough to convince a person like this of a certain flow. When you point it out, she will just deny it. This is the moment when you need to present real, powerful examples of that certain flaw. For example, when you say to this person that she often breaks her promises, she will say: “No I don’t. I never break my promises”. It is at this point that you pull out the big list of real situations when she did break her promises and start reading it. Kidding about the list by the way; you should have them in your head, otherwise is seems like a trial.

5. Whatever you do, do not loose your temper. With this person, it is very likely that as you give her the negative feedback, she will loose her temper and get verbally aggressive on you. In my perspective, if you do the same, it’s game over. Your chances of getting your feedback accepted have gone down to zero. This is why it’s essential to keep you calm, or at least to be able to fake it.

Don’t expect to make every person accept any feedback. No amount of people skills will allow you to do that. But, do expect to be able to break even the toughest shell, at least once in a while. And give it a try before saying no.

Filed Under: Career, People Skills, Psychology Tagged With: , , , , , , 12 Comments